Joy for tomorrow..

As I read this blog, and some of the comments I have been getting I just wanted to take a quick second to say one thing.

This time in my life is hard. I think this time in most of our lives is hard. Babies, careers, houses, this weird economy, trying to make sense of everything. Its not a piece of cake. Like they like to make it look like on the movies (of course its easy for Bethany Frankel, she has millions of dollars!)

But I am not depressed. Some days are easier than others. Some days, like yesterday, things are easier and Ashby and I have mini dance parties in the living room. Its not depressing to me to go through the hard stuff. Its just hard. And I think its really important to be honest when its not easy.

So please don't be afraid of it being hard. When its hard, something really good is going on. God wants to give us the 100 percent blessing, but be have to go through the 100 percent process to get it.

Have a fabulous day. Today Ashby is going to try her first solid food (happy day and a little sad too for momma). Stay posted for some really cute photos I can assure you.

Auntie Katie is the best photographer!

Mowing the lawn...

Today I had a chance to meet up with some of the other wives to do a walkthrough at Quest Stadium. It was really cool and I am so glad I have some sense of where I am going.

I realized something else about myself today. Beside the fact that they all have A LOT more money than I do, I don't really relate to most of them. I don't mean to say that I don't enjoy or like them. They are a wonderful bunch of women and I really do like to be around them. I came home and realized I needed to mow the lawn (not normally my job, but I do it 6 months out of the year). And I weeded. And I took a nap on the couch with Ashby and worked on my visual journal (I'll explain one of these days, but lots of magazine cutouts and ideas for the future...)

I think sometimes I need to be all or nothing. Which is what has gotten me into trouble in the past. I would feel like I needed to be one way around people, and then I was totally different when I was alone. Even the way I dress or the things I enjoy (ok..I realize that most of us don't wear heels at home and I don't). I just second guess myself when I am in public. Or I do things differently than I would naturally to make sure I fit or have approval.

Well, nothing is new. I didn't have some big life altering revelation of how to change that. I just noticed it. And listened to my insecurity speak up and let it be there. And then I came home and I put on my rubber boots and mowed the lawn, weeded, and hung out with my daughter.

It feels good to not be afraid of where I am. Its different to just be there and not feel bad about it. It will change, and I will not always be insecure or afraid, but to stop pretending is a big deal.

Here is a cute few pictures of Ashby and I at the beach. My little button.

We're back..

We had an amazing trip...Ashby, like the generations before her, is now an official Cannon Beach "seasonal local."

And now to unpack...

Time to reflect

Every year since I was 2, my mom, my sister, my grandma, my other mother and sisters, my aunts and my cousins have gone to a place called Cannon Beach for 1-2 weeks for a girls only (except Andrew..my only boy cousin who only can stay and handle the"estrogen fest" for a few days God bless him) week away from the world. We end up in the sleepy little south end of town at a place called windwhistle. And every year God does something amazing.

I cannot wait for this week to be close to the one place God always speaks to me: the ocean.

And to spend time with my mom, auntie mommy, sister-cousin-best friends.

Here is a shot of the beach I took last year from our side of town. And the quote is the words that God keeps whispering in my ear over and over...

Be back in a week.

PS. I watched Avatar last night again. Why does that movie make me cry???

happy friday

Uncharted Territory

Motherhood, moving, life. All of this is having a prfound affect on me.

Maybe its moving home. Maybe its confronting issues that having a baby, losing my body, having no extra money for even a latte out some days, or life suddenly changing from busy and hectic to slow and quiet.

We are in uncharted territory.
I always used to be able to handle it. I always used to know what to do next. Or maybe I just thought I did.

I feel like its all been shaken out. I can't even explain this process because it is so vague and deep. All I know is on the other side of this year, or this month or this week or however long God decides I am going to be more "me" than I have ever been.

1 Peter 1: "6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

What this passage says to me is that this process of being refined is not about taking the "bad" out, but that which doesn't belong. To be my most valuable I need to be boiled down to the essence of what God created me to be, and the rest needs to be removed. Those things that were put on me by myself, other people, through the years as I tried to make sense of it all and fit in, are making my value drop. Im beginning to realize that I would rather be good at the things I was made to be good at, be confident in only the things that God made me to be, than be a whole bunch of someone that I was never intended to be.

Uncharted. Dangerous. Unknown.

Things are going to start to look different around here. I have no idea what, but this journey is sure to be amazing.

Birthday Weekend

For my birthday weekend and to start Dave's week off we went to Glenwwod to stay at my aunt's house. In a town of only 400, there is not much to do besides relax and refresh surrounded by God's creation.

This is what we do now. I love my ergo. And I love wearing my baby whenever I can.

Walking through the park we stopped at a lookout point.

A view from the wildlife refuge.

Hiking through the National Wildlife refuge. Kuma thought he was in heaven.

The view from the great room.

There was a lot of this happening. Ashby and daddy are having a great week off together.

Benjamin wanted to hold his friend.

The boys playing hearts, Benjamin coloring (but don't tell him that he wasn't a part of the game.)

The view from the window in the great room.

This is one of the reasons we are loving living in the Northwest.