Motherhood, moving, life. All of this is having a prfound affect on me.
Maybe its moving home. Maybe its confronting issues that having a baby, losing my body, having no extra money for even a latte out some days, or life suddenly changing from busy and hectic to slow and quiet.
We are in uncharted territory.
I always used to be able to handle it. I always used to know what to do next. Or maybe I just thought I did.
I feel like its all been shaken out. I can't even explain this process because it is so vague and deep. All I know is on the other side of this year, or this month or this week or however long God decides I am going to be more "me" than I have ever been.
1 Peter 1: "6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
What this passage says to me is that this process of being refined is not about taking the "bad" out, but that which doesn't belong. To be my most valuable I need to be boiled down to the essence of what God created me to be, and the rest needs to be removed. Those things that were put on me by myself, other people, through the years as I tried to make sense of it all and fit in, are making my value drop. Im beginning to realize that I would rather be good at the things I was made to be good at, be confident in only the things that God made me to be, than be a whole bunch of someone that I was never intended to be.
Uncharted. Dangerous. Unknown.
Things are going to start to look different around here. I have no idea what, but this journey is sure to be amazing.