Sunday, September 20, 2009


I've spent the last 2 hours watering my flowers, washing clothes, cleaning the house, and listening to a worship mix my roommates and I listened to for hours and hours and hours when we were in college. In fact I can honestly remember listening to this CD pretty much nonstop the entire time I was in Bolivia.

As I listened and went about working, stopping to kiss Kuma and drink water, I talked to God. That is really how I pray. I just think and talk to God in my head all day long. And never do I hear God more clearly than when I am listening to music. I thought back to the time in my life when I really listened to this CD last and I remembered how difficult, intense, heartbreaking, healing, scary, lonely and utterly desperate that time was. All I could think about was myself and I think that was A VERY GOOD THING. That was my season for God to take me in His arms and love me through all of the breakthroughs He needed to do for me to be able to walk fully into His plans for my life. I truly believe that every person needs to travel outside of their comfort zone, get out of the boat, and walk (albeit sinking and feeling the waves begin to overtake us) arms outstretched to Jesus.

That being said, I am so glad that God requires that of us for only a season. Many of my closest friends are going through that stage right now and to you I say "Believe in the journey that God has you on, because the end point is really not the goal. This journey you are on is the most important thing you could ever undertake in your entire life. " Also, listen to a lot of worship music, journal what God is doing in your life so you can go back later and see the AMAZING work God has done. Even if it seems insignificant I promise you will look back and cry to see how FAITHFUL God is and how much he cares for even the most insignificant of needs. " Being confident of this that HE who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

The season I find myself in is very different. For the past couple of years the Lord has been walking me along a very different part of my journey. This journey has been very rarely focused on me. To be honest it was a big relief to turn my attention away from my own wretchedness, and to focus on how I can love others. Specifically how I can love my husband. If I could give this season any name it is "Love your husband and give your life to him." When I first got married I was constantly finding ways that Dave wasn't loving me enough, wasn't taking care of me enough, wasn't being the husband that I thought I deserved. It was miserable. The funny thing about this last season is that God has spoken very rarely to me. Not to say that I am disconnected. In fact I can honestly say that I have never been so deeply rooted in my relationship with Christ than I have in this last few years. It is just that God simply said is "Love your husband." That's pretty much it.

As I listen to this song "All I want to do is give this life to you" I realized this morning that this is my service to God. God told me today again "Love your husband." Do not focus on what he can't give you right now. Don't think about your loneliness or what you don't have. LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, because when you do that you love ME. When you find yet another way to make his life easier, you find another way to encourage him, you find another way to take something off his plate, I am loving my Savior. God put Dave in this position at USC for a purpose. It is into require everything of him to become successful and to do God's work. Until God tells me otherwise, my purpose on this earth is to make sure my husband has everything he needs to do that job.

Not saying that I am the little wife sitting at home cooking and baking waiting for my husband to get home so I can rub his feet and give him the newspaper. My heart has to be completely surrendered to loving and serving my husband whatever ways become apparent that he needs me to. This is another season. The only thing I know for certain is that seasons, no matter their duration, are just that: for a time.

I encourage you all of my married friends, to let go of expectations for 1 week. Ask God to give you a heart of service. I cannot begin to explain how full my heart is of Love for Dave now that I am not concerned with anything except trying to love him as best I can. And how that has poured out all over my entire life right now. How when he holds my hand it is as if God instantly fills in all of the hours of the day that I don't get to have with him. I have also noticed that Dave wants to give back to me more than he ever has before. When God tells you to do something, and you are obedient, he does not disappoint you.

Here is the beauty in this all: It is becoming easier and easier to do. I have so much peace, so much love, and so much joy daily because Christ is still faithful to me, each and every step of this journey. Be encouraged and know that God is going to reward your hard work. He says it in His word and He does not lie.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the PROPER TIME we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6: 9-10

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