Down...Set....LIFE!

Desert

2011-05-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

All of my life...
In every season.
You are still God.
I have a reason to Sing.
I have a reason to Worship.

Amen.

Need to hear it for yourself?

sitting in the rain...

2011-04-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

I claim no rights to this photo...found it on the web

OK well I am not actually sitting in the rain. But I am watching the puddles form outside the windows while Ashby takes a nap (2 hours early...I guess she is tired from her weekend in LA with her cousins). I just poured myself my second cup of coffee (I guess I am tired too)

Jesus is so big. I cannot believe that He died for me. At the Easter service yesterday at MEFC the gospel group sang a Kirk Franklin song called "Don't Cry". You can hear it here. "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, through for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. BUT, God demonstrates his own love for us in this: WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us." Romans 5: 6-8

This is what God is teaching me.
While we were still powerless, Christ died for us. Its not a division of sin or doing bad things that separates me from God alone. It is also that there are not enough good things alone that I can do. We are powerless to do what only God can do.

The beauty of Easter to me that God is revealing is not only that He died in my place because I am human, broken and constantly turning to a way that leads to destruction. Not only did He die, He also rose from the dead in His power. I am actually thinking about what it means that death could not hold Him. Nothing could keep Him from returning.

Nothing scares me more than death. Nothing is more powerful. Nothing is more final. Yet God just shook it off. He didn't stay dead. How much more powerful is that than just stepping in for me for the punishment that I deserve.

I know that it isn't the pretty part of God to talk about atonement; about the fact that God is perfect and Holy. It scares people away. I know I have held my tongue because it is scary to think that the pathway is narrow and few will ever get to walk on it. I have discovered as God gently leads me away from shouldering the responsibility of my life's purpose toward trusting in Him fully, that I am afraid of this narrow pathway because of the cross. I have tried to save myself for so long. If only I could just be better. If only I could make everyone in my life happy. If only I could rid myself of my selfish tendencies, my inability, my fear, my doubt...fill in the blank.

Imagine that the man driving the nails into Jesus' hands was not a Roman soldier, but truly you and I. Imagine Him watching you do that, and His response to you is simple, deep, profound, wild love and compassion. All the while He is thinking, "If you didn't nail me to this cross, I could never come back to give you hope, to give you life, to give you all that you ache and long for when you lay alone in your room in the dark and all of the distractions are gone."

He isn't dead anymore. He is holding his hands out, nail scars reaching out to hold me even though I caused it. Could anything be more amazing. And crazy. And totally insanely hard to believe.

On the plane home last night, as Dave and Ashby slept, I cried. I don't know the exact moment that Jesus whispered into my ear that He died and rose again because of his love for me. I didn't do anything special. In fact, as I sat there tears streaming down my eyes I remember thinking how this comfort and feeling of complete peace was not my doing. And there was no guilt, no shame, no need to do something to earn it.

As the mascara ran down my face and I watched the sun setting over the horizon, Jesus was there with me. He always has been. I never had to create a place worthy of His presence. He was just there.

Washing over me as the rain comes to the earth now and puddles in the dirt. Making all things new. Making all things grow.

So I sit here in the downpour of God's love for me.

I believe with all of my heart that He wants that for you too...Nothing you must do. Nothing you must hide. Everything to gain.

The worst 5 years

2011-04-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Anniversary to me! I know the title doesn't sound like what an anniversary blog post should be about.

Lets get real for a minute. I know I struggle with that right....

Dave and I went out last night to celebrate by ourselves before we head over the mountains today to go wine tasting and visit friends in Yakima. He said such an amazing thing. The first 5 years we were settling in. We were letting down the walls. We were getting comfortable with having to be real people while we were really in love.

The next 5 will be even better. And the 5 after that. Its actually really exciting to think that some of our hardest work might be behind us. Obviously we will always have work to do, and obviously the closer we get the deeper the "stuff" we get to work through together.

5 years ago today I woke up realizing that was the last day I would ever have to wake up by myself.

I love you with all of my scarred, dramatic and sensitive heart baybuh.

You are my forever.

ps. as an anniversary gift to us Ashby has slept through the night 2 nights in a row!

Face time

2011-04-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

How many times do I look for God's hand in my life instead of God in my life.

It is not God that dissapoints me, it is not God that alienates me. It is my expectations of how I think God is supposed to work or how I think my life is supposed to go.

I was reading today that when we first meet Jesus we live from blessing to blessing. We are convinced of God's work by His hand moving in our life. Ashby knows I am there when she can feel me. When I give her food, or when I play with her on the floor, or when I nurse her. She cries out in the night because she can't see or feel me.

But when she grows up, and understands object permanence a little better, she will know that I exist and am a part of her life regardless if I am there or not. She will not always understand why I do the things that I do, but my motivation will be to help her grow, to protect her, and to give her what she needs to have the best most rewarding experience she can while I am around to help.

How many times do we chalk up what is happening in our lives to "God's will" but secretly we are resentful and bitter because we really want our own will. I do it all the time. How many times have we been angry at God because of the road He asks us to walk, because we have no vision for why. I am like a child, only able to think of my own feelings, my own frustrations, my own needs, and really more than anything the way that I, myself, want it to be.

When I find myself struggling with my life, which I told God a long time ago He could be in charge of, its because I have gotten out my little road map and said "Yeah, ok God just like this..."

And to be honest, I am so glad that I have a relationship with a God that is so much bigger than me. That I do not understand. That has an agenda that I cannot understand always. That does not need me to figure it out. That stood in for me when I was at my worst, sent His precious flesh and blood, and said "For [insert you name] sake, because I love her more than anything, I will sacrifice everything, to make this right."

That is not an action. That is WHO God is.

I do not always understand what He is doing in the swirling chaos of life, the mess and entanglement of my relationships, and the inner processing that goes on in my head. His hands are all over that. Looking at His hands only gives me a small picture.

When you love someone you look into their eyes to know they love you. Maybe you've never been brave enough to look deeply into the eyes of your creator. Maybe you feel the burden of your shame, your fear, your doubt, your anger, your resentment. Whatever it is, it WILL NEVER be bigger than God.

And you will NEVER understand who you are and what you were made to do without looking into those eyes and feeling the complete PEACE and FREEDOM of the most PERFECT LOVE you will ever know.

If this isn't the God you know, maybe take a minute to \ask him to show you who he really is. People in churches and churches themselves are broken. Church is a place for community but it is not the end all be all of who God is, though we might catch a glimpse there. Ask God to show up and wait expectantly. It may take a while and He may not speak the way that you expect.

But He WILL speak to you exactly how you need Him to. And when He does you will know without a shadow of a doubt how deep, how high, how wide and how strong His love is for you.

Celebration Sunday

2011-04-03T21:30:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of cool things happening everyday in my life. I feel like God is talking to me in a way that I haven't been able to hear in a very long time. Or maybe ever.

It is intense to know that God loves me so much that he wants to speak to me exactly in the way that I can hear Him. In a way that is just for me.

Our Celebration Sunday was good. Dessert was awesome. COLD STONE!! Dave has been asking for that for at least a week straight. YUM.

What are you celebrating today?

Big Change!

2011-03-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

Sleep training!!

Why did I not do this sooner. Well, I know why. I wasn't ready. Having Dave home to help and be patient when I have been with Ashby all day and am at the end of my rope is huge :)

7 days ago I went on a date with my hubby and told him I was finally ready to let Ashby sleep in her own room.

The next day she woke up 8 times.
The next night...it was 12 (every half hour until she finally got it figured out and slept for a 2.5 hour stretch)

I was getting distressed...not to mention exhausted.

Fortunately Dave was really supportive. And we stuck with it.

Little miss Ashby slept from 8:30 last night until 6 am without nursing once..and only woke up once to have Daddy rock her back to sleep in 2 minutes...

I woke up to check and make sure she was still alive and to let Kuma out to pee.

6 days and she is already made vast improvements!!! And she is napping everyday for at least 2 hours, in her own crib :)

Amazing what a little wisdom and a little perseverance can accomplish. And a really amazing husband who will get up in the night to help :)

Celebration Sundays...(on Monday today)

2011-03-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

We have decided to begin a new tradition in our house. Celebration Sundays.

There is so much to be thankful for. There is so much good happening in our lives. We just rarely choose to take the time to aknowledge it.

SO we have created Celebration Sundays.
We are going to cook a great meal, including dessert, and talk about the good stuff that happened during the week. So that we can start off the next one with praises on our lips.

We can teach our children to Celebrate the Victories that Jesus does in our lives weekly, daily.

Last night we had baked brie, a huge spinach salad, and strawberry shortcake (from scratch, one of my favorite recipes) and Maui Brewing Company Coconut Brown Ale. Yum.

And Ashby slept way better last night. Saturday night she woke up 12 times. yes, 12.
Last night it was only 4. SO SO SO much better! I feel sort of normal.

Psalm 145 (from the Message)

David's Praise

1 I lift you high in praise, my God, O my King! and I'll bless your name into eternity.

2 I'll bless you every day,

and keep it up from now to eternity.

3 God is magnificent; he can never be praised enough.

There are no boundaries to his greatness.

4 Generation after generation stands in awe of your work;

each one tells stories of your mighty acts.

5 Your beauty and splendor have everyone talking;

I compose songs on your wonders.

6 Your marvelous doings are headline news;

I could write a book full of the details of your greatness.

7 The fame of your goodness spreads across the country;

your righteousness is on everyone's lips.

8 God is all mercy and grace—

not quick to anger, is rich in love.

9 God is good to one and all;

everything he does is suffused with grace.

10 -11 Creation and creatures applaud you, God;

your holy people bless you.

They talk about the glories of your rule,

they exclaim over your splendor,

12 Letting the world know of your power for good,

the lavish splendor of your kingdom.

13 Your kingdom is a kingdom eternal;

you never get voted out of office.

God always does what he says,

and is gracious in everything he does.

14 God gives a hand to those down on their luck,

gives a fresh start to those ready to quit.

15 All eyes are on you, expectant;

you give them their meals on time.

16 Generous to a fault,

you lavish your favor on all creatures.

17 Everything God does is right—

the trademark on all his works is love.

18 God's there, listening for all who pray,

for all who pray and mean it.

19 He does what's best for those who fear him—

hears them call out, and saves them.

20 God sticks by all who love him,

but it's all over for those who don't.

21 My mouth is filled with God's praise.

Let everything living bless him,

bless his holy name from now to eternity!

Ducks!!!

2011-03-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

In a surprising twist, we had a 65 degree sunny day in the Northwest on a Friday. After an awesome lunch at the Beachhouse in Kirkland with our friends, we walked into downtown, got a cup of coffee, and headed down to the water. Here is a little bit of our smart girl in action!

In other news, Ashby spent her first whole night in her crib. I might have been in her room most of the night, but that is a HUGE step in the Canales household! Looking forward to the day when she is there and I don't have to go in. But, we are on our way!!

interesting discovery today

2011-03-23T20:30:00.000-07:00

I am tired and Ashby decided to go to bed at 6 today. So sleep training is going. She still needs to nurse to fall asleep and is going for 2-3 hour stretches at night but things are slowly improving.

Anyway, made a rather interesting discovery about myself today.

My sister invited me to a (free) yoga class today. I love yoga. I LOVE yoga. Its hard, challenging, and yet very very relaxing so that is the perfect combination for me.

But what was strange is that when she invited me, I got angry. Not at her. But more I felt pressure to go, and then angry at that feeling.

It was viceral.

I love working out. Or do I? Once I am actually working out I love it usually, but I really mentally struggle to get myself to do it.

So anyway, trying to figure that one out. Its totally a pattern too. It was just really bad today.

And now Ashby is awake, duty calls.

Montezuma's Revenge...on vacation

2011-03-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

Really really looking forward to a trip to the beach house since January when I got invited. My dear dear friend Lisa and her mom invited all the girls from my family out for the weekend. We planned meals, bought wine, had magazines and movies and workout gear, and rain gear for beachcombing. Yup. It was going to be awesome.

And then we all got the flu.

Friday night when we arrived, first it was Ashby. Then me.
Saturday 2 more bit the dust.
Sunday night, after 2 went home from sheer exhaustion and sickness, poor Lisa our hostess, got sick also and went down.

We didn't leave the house. We only cooked one major meal. We didn't drink the wine or the coffee. It was awful.

But we are closer than ever as a result of taking care of each other. It was a blessing in a way. Whoever was sick had a mom and friend and daughter to hold back her hair while she...ahem... you know.

It wasn't what we expected and we definately need a do-over. But I love my girls and am thankful that at least we could all be sick together.

Beautiful trainride down to Portland...it all started so peaceful!

Ashby and her "ceetee" (her name for auntie Kate)

Happy tired train rider.

The one, and only, picture of me from the weekend with my lovely Auntie Grandma (Ashby's name for my auntie mommy Molly)

Taking Ashby to Oceanside while I slept through the post vomit fog.

Jenna, Lisa's super cute and hip younger sister

Ashby has named Lisa auntie LALA, which is dear to me since my nephews in Cali call me the same thing.

Locked in. She was giving us kisses through the door.

bubbles..our newest obsession.

Again, I am not in any of these pictures, and these were taken Saturday evening before anyone else got sick. After that there was a whole lot of whispering, back rubs, and movies.

Here is to our next annual, no barfing weekend!

Sleep training

2011-03-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

For those of you moms or children that easily slept through the night early on in your life...you are lucky.
And apparently, according to all that I am reading, very abnormal.
Most children do not sleep through the night, without parental intervention (rocking, nursing, cuddling, etc.) til they are in preschool.
PRESCHOOL!!
Lord help me!
Ashby has been a very good little nurser since I had her. I have literally not ever given her a drop of formula. Not even in the hospital. It has been a blessing for us both (i.e. cheap, convenient, bonding, easy.) But now, at 13.5 months I am starting to want to have my body completely back before I (pause, drawing in a deep deep breath) decide to try for the next one. I am running a half marathon this summer (hill workout today...yikes and awesome at the same time) and my goal is to have weaned her by then (approximately 17 months.
I am a little saddened at the prospect, but also know I have had an incredible experience nursing her.
Back to the point.
While Ashby has been an incredible nurser, she has also not been an incredible sleeper. The thing is that I could always put her right back to sleep with nursing, but with the exception of a few sweet months when she was waking up after 5-6 hours, she has been waking every 2 hours, on the hour (sometimes more) to nurse. And mostly just to pacify herself.
Dave and I would like our bed back. And I would LOVE to have 7 hours of uninterupted sleep, maybe even more.
So were working on it. I had to finally let go and say "She is going to be ok, feel loved, and safe, without sleeping in my bed." I know that logically, but when you have a sweet baby who grows into a sweet and happy toddler, it is hard to change something knowing that it will be hard for them too.
I'll keep you posted. We're using the no-cry sleep method book. Which has been more like the minimal cry sleep method book.
Progress so far in 2 weeks. A daily 2 hour nap in her crib. By herself.
Some parents think I am nuts for just now getting this milestone.
In many ways I do too.
But Parenting is not one-size-fits-all. Life is very different for all of us. I feel bad for some of the "i'll never be that parent" statements I have either thought or made in my life.
I'll leave you with a few of my sweet sleeping baby pictures.

4 days old.

tired babies

LOVE the ergo

when she finally fell asleep in the car..(shes not a huge fan)

Enough

2011-03-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

This theme is my theme right now.
My mantra...
"You are enough, you have enough, there will be enough."
Mantra is simply a word or phrase you repeat over and over and over until it sticks. Or for me it is my prayer. It is the work that God is doing in me. It is the root of some of my deepest fears:
I will not get enough (love, food, money, stuff etc.)
Which really means that I am afraid that by myself, without any of these other things, that I am not enough.

I am not enough. I am so afraid that I am not enough.

But Jesus tells me that I am. He tells me that He made me on purpose, and that because He made me with a purpose, I have everything I need to complete my purpose.

Ephesians 2:10 " For we[insert your name here] are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared in advance for us, that we should walk in them."

1. He handcrafted ME. (you too :)
2. He made with with Christ Jesus, who has the divine power to demolish any and all strongholds and anything that sets itself up against the knowledge of Christ (2 Corithians 10:3-6).
3. He made me to do specific works, with a purpose, and we are supposed to walk in them.

All leading me to believe that if He did all of that work, He would not have wasted it on something that I cannot do.

Katie said something to me from this book that she is reading right now. "A walnut seed can grow to be 2 things. A flourishing, productive walnut tree or a sad, sickly one. It can never become a rose bush."

So today I will keep praying my prayer of enough. I will keep asking God to show me that I am and will forever have enough if I trust Him.

And don't try to get enough for myself...but that is for another post.

Looking Back..

2011-03-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

In the past year my body has done some amazing things. Namely carrying a life, birthing that sweet baby girl, and then recovering from gaining 50 pounds (yes, I said 5-0!) and getting healthy after toxemia (pregnancy induced high blood pressure...not fun).
I've also supported a life by producing milk (crazy that is what those things are for!)And yes, I am still breastfeeding. Sometimes I love it, other times I want to have a break. I am beginning the weaning process, but its a little work. Especially with this girl...chichi mama is her nickname.

I think the hardest thing about motherhood is that it is so completely non-self centered. You literally could and in some ways have to lose yourself. I am not talking about using your baby as an excuse to let go. Sadly I think that happens a lot, and who could blame someone. Motherhood is EXHAUSTING (she says after night 2 of sleep training with a toddler who wakes up every 2 hours at least...). But if you lose yourself in the midst of that, I feel like you could start to resent your position and your children.

So I decided to post something. Its hard for me to post this because its pretty vulnerable. Especially for me: with all of the weight issues I have had in my past (another post, another day). I never want to like myself for my body, but I also don't want to let myself go for the sake of not finding my identity in my shape. But, my body has been to the brink and thankfully, with a lot of work and a lot of encouragement, back to where I feel like I am taking good care of myself.

So here is a progression of the last year....

1 week after ashby born.

2 months after...starting to exercise again..

5.5 month Ashby walking at Cannon Beach with my mom (isn't she cute from behind!)

October..walking the dog on a more regular basis (wearing a 19 pound baby on a regular basis is helpful too)

new years, after a really well-rounded 1800 calories a day cleanse (no starvation for a nursing mommy)

Hawaii, just about 1 year after she was born.

total weight lost: 70 pounds.

Tricks: none.

1. Hardwork and getting outside at least 4 days a week

2. Cutting out sugar and processed foods (with a few exceptions)

3. not giving up and learning when I use food for comfort not for fuel.

So here I am. What a difference a year makes.

To my readers...

2011-03-09T10:08:00.000-08:00

OK. So i am horrible with blogging lately. I think the biggest reason is that SOOO much happens every week, day, minute etc and I never feel caught up. So when I go to blog I don't know where to start and that ruins it for me. Also, I don't know what to put on here.

So my question is this:

Since I am doing this for you mostly, what do you want to see? What do you want to read about?

I would love your comments and thoughts. (all 5 of you...I think)

Then I am going to set a 2 days a week blogging schedule and just get to it.

Love love love to you.

Lizzy
PS I hear ceramic things hitting the floor in my living room....yikes! Time to run!

Maui

2011-02-11T13:38:00.000-08:00

Ashby turned 1 yesterday! But before that we had an amazing vacation in Hawaii. We really needed the time to reconnect as a family. And we discovered that Ashby loves all things related to water. She spent most of her time exclaiming "Wow" with her arm straight out, palm pointed upward, pointing at whatever amazed her. Here are a few shots of our time.

We had a fabulous time. I wish I was still there only because I had nothing I had to do. Except read and tan and eat and walk and hang out with my babies! Next year we are definitely bringing grandma and grnadpa so we can sneak away a few times!

See you in 10..

2011-01-22T13:08:00.000-08:00

10 days that is.. I am writing this post from Phil and Larissa's house in beautiful MAUI.

Never in our life together have we ever decided to just go on a vacation on a Monday and leave on a Friday. Well, we've done that for camping and such, but not to a tropical and faraway place.

On the agenda for the next week:
Pa'ia Fish market
The North Shore
The road to Hana
Loco Moco
Sun
Sea Turtles
Emry Thrash
the occasional elixir
Lots and lots of family snuggle and laughing time.

See you when we return...tan and relaxed :)

what a season

2011-01-16T16:42:00.000-08:00

Am I sad its over? Yes.

Would it have been great if we could have kept going? Absolutely (especially in the financial department)

Do I think this is the end of the world? No way.

This is this profession. You lose. You win. You move on. Dave is certainly not defined by the wins and losses. I love to win, and I get wrapped up in it because it effects our lives. But wins and losses in no way determine our future and where God wants to take us.

We had church this morning at our house before the game. Top Pot doughnuts, coffee, and church. The verse for today was Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is; His good, pleasing and perfect will."

The world would tell us that we didn't do good enough and to be sad. But we know that is not true. We know that God is doing something amazing in our lives and that He is taking care of us. And he knows the plans that he has for our future.

Would have loved today's bonus, but more than that I am so thankful that God has literally seen us through every month here and made it certain that we could pay every bill we have on time. Even though our paycheck doesn't even cover it.

And we make sure (it is still SO HARD!!) that we tithe every time we get paid. God is so incredibly faithful and we are working hard to be faithful in response.

Dave in the News

2011-01-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

Well, we are still rolling.

But this is really cool. I woke up to phone calls about a news article about Dave in the Daily Breeze down in LA. I'll put the link up here.

God is so awesome and such a cool perspective of the last year.

http://www.dailybreeze.com/sports/ci_17072635

Another week!!

2011-01-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

Just 2 years ago, we were just finishing up a season with El Camino College. Loving every minute. Waiting for Our next adventure.

2 years later....NFC West Champions. And an NFL playoff birth.

What will God do with you when you step out in Faith?

Because there is no way to explain it other than this is what God wants.

Upcoming weekend.

2010-12-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

Well, we are down to one last game. One last game of 20. We went from an 11 game season to a 20 game season overnight. Needless to say Dave is exhausted and I am ready to have a partner again :).

But I wouldn't mind waiting one extra week. Really wouldn't mind.

http://www.seahawks.com/news/articles/article-1/Mission-impossible/4e90e8c9-9372-4fc9-b165-25b1534abb1a

Go Hawks.

Quiet Morning...

2010-12-22T08:17:00.000-08:00

Amidst the craziness of the Holidays, Football season, and having a child under 1 year of age, life can suddenly feel like it is slipping through the cracks. I woke up this morning and realized we had forgotten to take out the trash. So I jumped out of bed, asked my sister to come lay down with the baby, and ran outside to move the cars and take the cans to the curb.

Needless to say I am now wide awake with a threatening sore throat and cold.

I have been really reflective this past month despite traveling to Portland, Los Angeles, having people in town, and going through weeks of football that seem to fly by faster and faster as the days go. Thinking about how much time I have wasted trying to be somewhere that I am not, something that I am not, or covering up who I really am. It's not that I think who I have projected myself to be is much different than the real Lizzy, its more that I have always felt uncomfortable in my own skin and situation.

Which gets desperately exhausting.

I will be eternally grateful to my beautiful daughter Ashby for her life as it has stopped all of that nonsense dead in its tracks. Suddenly I had a reason not to go on living this way. Suddenly I had a person who was going to be all up in every aspect of my world all that time and would be scrutinizing every move I make as her way of discovering who she is made to be. Holy responsibility. Holy reason to stop with futile attempts to avoid fear, avoid insecurity, avoid pain, and avoid all of the other difficult things that really just mean avoid healing.

I realize now how much $ I have wasted trying to create a beautiful outside when I really felt like a mess inside. I realize how many times I have eaten another cookie or another plate of food, or even justified eating complete junk knowing that it would bring a temporary satisfaction and comfort in an otherwise uncomfortable internal world. I am reading this amazing book called "When food is love" by Geneen Roth, and she confronts the very reasons why we compulsively do anything (eat, shop, clean, exercise etc) as an attempt to avoid the raw and gritty parts of life and how quickly that compulsion becomes the focus. Our brains are really quite adept at survival. Especially emotional survival.

This last year of my life has been like a scene from Where the Wild Things Are. I finally said "enough" to the distractions from the reality. I am insecure. I am afraid of not being enough. I am afraid I will not have enough. In some regards I have always felt like I have "too much" and therefore need to become less so as to be able to actually keep friends. Yep, I said it. In fact, I feel like I have actually begun to make friends with these demons. Instead of running from them at a breakneck pace, I stopped and turned around so quickly they ran right into me. And we all collapsed into a big pile, staring bewildered at each other.

I think what I am realizing this quiet morning, with my cup of echinachea throat coat tea (I will not get sick, I will not get sick...) is this:

All along my biggest problem has been running away from these things because they are so scary. But the reality is these things are a part of me. They are and will be my biggest teachers and my tools for healing. If I am not willing to just stop and get all tangled up with them, I will never be released from them. And in an effort to give my daughter the best possible chance at a life free or at least freer, from these things, I am willing to turn around and look. To ask God to reveal to me where these things come from, to understand where they have a stronghold in my life, and to not go anywhere (or shop, eat, run etc...fill in the blank) when I feel uncomfortable having them stare me down.

I believe God is changing me. I believe at my core the chaos and fear and anxiety is beginning to abate. I believe I will come through this a more authentic and confident version of myself. And I believe this ABSOLUTELY has to happen in each of us and as long as we fight it, we will go on decaying further and further from who we are made to be.

This Christmas, thank you Jesus for coming to us, for being born in an animal feeding trough in a barn so that I did not have to be outcast. What more do I ever need than that.

Thank you beautiful, sweet, daring Ashby for wanting to be with me all the time and opening my eyes to how much more growth God has in store for me.

What are you running from?...

Weekend Adventure

2010-11-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

Ashby, Mom and I went to Yakima this weekend. Saw Lisa Lou who's kind family donated wood from their Orchard for our wood stove! So cool and literally very warm (I can feel the heat from the fire across the room.) We got away just for a day, but it was amazing to just be with one of my BEST friends. Lisa has a kitten. Lets just say that Ashby and Mal are sort of new best friends. He really likes to run up behind her and parkour off her diaper. Wondering what that means? Watch the office. Here are a few fun pictures.

I think she tuckered him out a little bit.

And my baby's new 2 front teeth!

In other news...Lisa and I were super vigilant about not getting spiders in the back of my car, so we put each piece of wood into a sealable bin, 1 piece at a time. We even inspected for spiders as we picked the wood (which made the process take incredibly too long!) Well, we must not have been that great because on my drive home, going 70 miles an hour downhill on the freeway, I noticed a ROGUE spider crawling towards me on the dashboard. I had a momentary heart attack, tried to decide if I could kill it and not kill the three of us in the car. I immediately pulled onto the side of the freeway, managed to pull myself together in time to watch the spider JUMP on to the door! It took everything in me to kill that sucker (sorry but I don't consider spiders to be animals but Satan's minions.)

I was a little jumpy the rest of the way home.

And I vacuumed the entire car wearing gloves.

Fall News..

2010-11-07T08:23:00.000-08:00

A lot has been going on around here. I have a job...(2 days a week nannying, Ashby helps me :)

Here is a quick pictorial review of the last few months..

Auntie Kate moved up to Seattle....and in with us!!! (I am so thankful, especially after an exceptionally long, daddy-less night.)

Ashby started crawling...timidly at first, but now she is all over the place.

Her first Halloween came and went. We decided to have her be a giraffe. Her dad said its because she has a long neck..

She didn't really eat the candy, but it made for some really cute pictures.

And she was a very cute little giraffe...

And what giraffe should not have a tutu when they are 8 1/2 months old?

We have actually had a fall. I forgot how beautiful the fall is here. This is from the blueberry farm down the hill from my house and along the trail that Ashby, Kuma, Kate and I walk.

We went to visit the family in LA, and took the kids to the pumpkin patch.

She still looks just like her daddy.

She discovered that she absolutely loves the swing!! Loves the swing...and stays in it for as long as I will push her.

And finally, it is officially time to start baby proofing.

Tuesday nights the Seahawks let the families come and have dinner at the facility. Bonus because Dave gets to see daddy in the daylight, and I get a night off from cooking.

This is just a peek. But I feel proud to have even done this much. Happy October...

A girl and her daddy..

2010-10-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

I am not jealous of her relationship with her daddy.

I am still mommy, and I am usually the preferred one especially in the case of tired or hungry, but man I LOVE watching Ashby when her daddy is home.

She is soooo happy when she is around him.

She makes this hilarious sound something like this "hata hata" but its barely above a whisper.

So here are some pictures from the past few months of the twins.

Blinded by Love

2010-09-22T08:32:00.000-07:00

We travelers, walking towards the sun, can’t see

Ahead, but looking back the very light

That blinded us shows us the way we came,

Along which blessings now appear, risen

As if from sightlessness to sight, and we,

By blessings brightly lit, keep going toward

That blessed light that yet to us is dark.

-Wendell Berry

Great Blog.

2010-09-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

It has been CRAZY around here! I had visitors for the last 2 weeks. My little sissy and then 9 members of my SO CAL family all came and stayed here at our house!!! It was chaotic and so sweet to have my nephews here and my brothers and sisters. Loved it.

I have been reading this awesome blog of one of my aunt's good friends. I love it. He is very honest and very reflective. It is nice when it is crazy to have someone else speak the words you wish you had time to hear in your own head. Here is an experpt from one of his most recent posts.

Sweet Darkness

by David Whyte

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.
When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.
Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.
There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing.
The world was meant to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it take darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

I like the idea that this darkness and difficulty is your safest place and your best teacher. If it is hard for you in your life right now, that is because that is the best and most important place you can grow. It will not always be that way. But if you had all the answers and if it was comfortable, would you grow? Would you become all that God created you to be? Would you ever have to truly trust God? Would you ever truly learn to trust yourself and your potential become actual??

Sink into the darkness and do not become lost in it, but allow it to change you. Don't run from it. The bible says when Darkness comes to light, it becomes light. Praise Jesus.

In other news... this is what I found when I got out of the shower yesterday. I left her sitting in her boppy playing with toys.

Not quite a crawl. But how far off could it be??

Football Season

2010-08-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

We are in full swing! Dave is back to 7 days a week and I am back to only having to make meals for myself and now for Ashby. While the schedule is demanding, it is also very fun. Every week flys by, and every Saturday feels slightly epic (and exhausting). Here are a few pictures of the new season.

Yes, they actually protect her ears!

Very far away daddy at a training camp practice.

Happy Monday

HOT WEEKEND

2010-08-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

It was HOT this weekend!!!!

Fortunately we live by a lake and can cool off whenever we need to

eating more avocado

Enatai beach...

cooling off

in a pink bikini

yay!! she loves it

happily eating some peaches after a good day in the water

Avocados and a win!

2010-08-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Ashby tried her first solids. She likes Avocados. I think more she likes the idea of being able to use a spoon and put stuff in her mouth like mom and dad. Here are some pictures of the first trial run.

Trying to figure out what it was we gave her...and surprised that we actually gave her something.

Little trial taste test

We quickly realized this was not a good idea because she was going for it.

She wanted to feed herself.

First big bite

Not really sure...

My turn!!!

Maybe I'll try the bowl..

I think she likes it!!!

It was Daddy's first Seahawks games this weekend. And it was 95 degrees outside. It ended up being the perfect football day. We even got some time with Dave mid-day before the game and we went to the Issaquah farmers market. It was great.

View of the Port of Seattle from the top of the stadium.

Ashby, Auntie Clare and I sweating our little tootsies off

My parent's neighbors, Dave and Tina came too.

Watching the game after she slept through the first 2 quarters... can you say football baby??!!

Proud of daddy after the big win..and really ready for bed.

Joy for tomorrow..

2010-08-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

As I read this blog, and some of the comments I have been getting I just wanted to take a quick second to say one thing.

This time in my life is hard. I think this time in most of our lives is hard. Babies, careers, houses, this weird economy, trying to make sense of everything. Its not a piece of cake. Like they like to make it look like on the movies (of course its easy for Bethany Frankel, she has millions of dollars!)

But I am not depressed. Some days are easier than others. Some days, like yesterday, things are easier and Ashby and I have mini dance parties in the living room. Its not depressing to me to go through the hard stuff. Its just hard. And I think its really important to be honest when its not easy.

So please don't be afraid of it being hard. When its hard, something really good is going on. God wants to give us the 100 percent blessing, but be have to go through the 100 percent process to get it.

Have a fabulous day. Today Ashby is going to try her first solid food (happy day and a little sad too for momma). Stay posted for some really cute photos I can assure you.

Auntie Katie is the best photographer!

Mowing the lawn...

2010-08-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

Today I had a chance to meet up with some of the other wives to do a walkthrough at Quest Stadium. It was really cool and I am so glad I have some sense of where I am going.

I realized something else about myself today. Beside the fact that they all have A LOT more money than I do, I don't really relate to most of them. I don't mean to say that I don't enjoy or like them. They are a wonderful bunch of women and I really do like to be around them. I came home and realized I needed to mow the lawn (not normally my job, but I do it 6 months out of the year). And I weeded. And I took a nap on the couch with Ashby and worked on my visual journal (I'll explain one of these days, but lots of magazine cutouts and ideas for the future...)

I think sometimes I need to be all or nothing. Which is what has gotten me into trouble in the past. I would feel like I needed to be one way around people, and then I was totally different when I was alone. Even the way I dress or the things I enjoy (ok..I realize that most of us don't wear heels at home and I don't). I just second guess myself when I am in public. Or I do things differently than I would naturally to make sure I fit or have approval.

Well, nothing is new. I didn't have some big life altering revelation of how to change that. I just noticed it. And listened to my insecurity speak up and let it be there. And then I came home and I put on my rubber boots and mowed the lawn, weeded, and hung out with my daughter.

It feels good to not be afraid of where I am. Its different to just be there and not feel bad about it. It will change, and I will not always be insecure or afraid, but to stop pretending is a big deal.

Here is a cute few pictures of Ashby and I at the beach. My little button.

We're back..

2010-08-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

We had an amazing trip...Ashby, like the generations before her, is now an official Cannon Beach "seasonal local."

And now to unpack...

Time to reflect

2010-08-01T08:19:00.000-07:00

Every year since I was 2, my mom, my sister, my grandma, my other mother and sisters, my aunts and my cousins have gone to a place called Cannon Beach for 1-2 weeks for a girls only (except Andrew..my only boy cousin who only can stay and handle the"estrogen fest" for a few days God bless him) week away from the world. We end up in the sleepy little south end of town at a place called windwhistle. And every year God does something amazing.

I cannot wait for this week to be close to the one place God always speaks to me: the ocean.

And to spend time with my mom, auntie mommy, sister-cousin-best friends.

Here is a shot of the beach I took last year from our side of town. And the quote is the words that God keeps whispering in my ear over and over...

Be back in a week.

PS. I watched Avatar last night again. Why does that movie make me cry???

happy friday

2010-07-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

Uncharted Territory

2010-07-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Motherhood, moving, life. All of this is having a prfound affect on me.

Maybe its moving home. Maybe its confronting issues that having a baby, losing my body, having no extra money for even a latte out some days, or life suddenly changing from busy and hectic to slow and quiet.

We are in uncharted territory.
I always used to be able to handle it. I always used to know what to do next. Or maybe I just thought I did.

I feel like its all been shaken out. I can't even explain this process because it is so vague and deep. All I know is on the other side of this year, or this month or this week or however long God decides I am going to be more "me" than I have ever been.

1 Peter 1: "6 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

What this passage says to me is that this process of being refined is not about taking the "bad" out, but that which doesn't belong. To be my most valuable I need to be boiled down to the essence of what God created me to be, and the rest needs to be removed. Those things that were put on me by myself, other people, through the years as I tried to make sense of it all and fit in, are making my value drop. Im beginning to realize that I would rather be good at the things I was made to be good at, be confident in only the things that God made me to be, than be a whole bunch of someone that I was never intended to be.

Uncharted. Dangerous. Unknown.

Things are going to start to look different around here. I have no idea what, but this journey is sure to be amazing.

Birthday Weekend

2010-06-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

For my birthday weekend and to start Dave's week off we went to Glenwwod to stay at my aunt's house. In a town of only 400, there is not much to do besides relax and refresh surrounded by God's creation.

This is what we do now. I love my ergo. And I love wearing my baby whenever I can.

Walking through the park we stopped at a lookout point.

A view from the wildlife refuge.

Hiking through the National Wildlife refuge. Kuma thought he was in heaven.

The view from the great room.

There was a lot of this happening. Ashby and daddy are having a great week off together.

Benjamin wanted to hold his friend.

The boys playing hearts, Benjamin coloring (but don't tell him that he wasn't a part of the game.)

The view from the window in the great room.

This is one of the reasons we are loving living in the Northwest.

Go Griz!

2010-05-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

My beautiful cousin Lauren graduated from Universityt of Montana this last weekend. My wonderful Aunty Mommy Molly rented 2 cabins on the Bitteroot river about 45 minutes south of Missoula so we had a mini family reunion and celebrated the occasion for 5 days. There was lots of French Press, lots of local color and flavor, and a beautiful river running 15 feet from our campfire.

This was Ashby's first time camping. She was a very happy girl, sitting out by the fire or enjoying the weather.

breakfast by the fire with Uncle Tom

We literally sat by the river about 50% of the day just letting life float with the rising river. Auntie Haley took some great pictures of Ashby and I.

It was hot and I forgot Ashby's sun hat. So we used this Celtics hat with a rubberband around the back to make it fit. She rocked it.

She is so so so cute! And she is getting so big!

This is her "I am not happy but I am not really crying/mom where are you" face.

Sometimes I don't rush to the rescue so I can see this cute face a little longer. I confess.

This is the view from the porch. We didn't want to leave, but we missed Dave badly.

It was wonderful to spend the weekend sitting around, eating (yum and did we eat!!) and enjoying the company of my amazing family.

I am so thankful that the Seahawks have made that possible for Dave, Ashby and me.

California Visit

2010-05-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

Ashby and I have become offical travelers. While she had already traveled 4 weeks after her birth by car to move up here, we went to LA last week to be there for the birth of her cousin Lydia, Bebe and Kevin's daughter. We flew to LA without a hitch, thanks to her new Ergo carrier (mom's if you dont have one, get one!!!) Ashby did great! Was awake for most of the flight and did not cry. Here are a few of the over 700 pictures I took on our trip.

Ashby with her auntie Bebe the night before Lydia was born!

Lydia Yvette Nickerson, 8 pounds, 7 ounces born at home in the tub with no pain medication! Bebe is a champ. Her brother Zacarias loves her so already!

We were there to witness Elisha's first T-ball game. He looked so cute and is the fastest 3 year old I have ever seen. Even if he did cry for about 50% of the game :)

Church on Sunday Ashby was all dressed up in her finest with her auntie Stalker and her uncle Boba

Reading with Mama Pipa. She got to spend lots of good time with her granddaughter.

We got to do our cheerleading end of the year banquet this year at BJ's while I was home. Here is one last goofy team picture and you can see that even Ashby got in on the action. The girls were so loud and she just chilled out the whole time. Must be because she heard them in my tummy the entire time she was growing!

We also took all the opportunities we could to sit poolside.

Here are all the cousins at Ashby's bbq. We definitely win the multicultural family award.

Cousins, just 11 weeks apart! Hmmmm...uncle Coba I think its your turn!

Ashby got to see almost all of her aunties and uncles. Here she is with her auntie Kate. If you want to see more pictures that Katie took, please check out here blog. She is an aspiring artist and has done some great work.

http://www.katiejanemoment.wordpress.com/

Her auntie Nea

Auntie Kristen who is going to have Isabella Pearl at the end of this month!

Auntie Tia

Auntie Andrea

Uncle Drew!

Auntie Carlie took her for her first swin in the big pool!

Papa had lots of snuggle time too.

Auntie Bebe sang lots and lots of songs to Ashby

Her big sister Jessica from ECC cheer took care of her too as her first official babysitter :)

And her Etolie who took care of her the entire time she was growing in my belly.

Her godfather Lou got a kick out of all of her faces and her big flower.

And finally her God Grandmother Veronica.

WOW! What a trip!

What a month!

2010-04-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

Here is Ashby. She isnt sure how she feels about the car these days.

It depends on how much milk is in her belly and how long she has been riding.

These are pictures from the Tulip Festival in Mt. Vernon. Literally fields and fields of tulips. So Beautiful.

Dave thought the tulip festival was going to be lame. He was picturing a farmers market and people dressed up like tulips dancing around like hippies. I'll be honest I would have loved that too...

One of her cute little outfits...

She is getting much more alert. I mean..I could just eat this little face! i kinda do all day.

Caught the smile.. snuggle time. Love my double chin..but hey. I had a baby 6 weeks before that picture so hey!

Gigi buys her lots of cute outfits. And she has lots and lots of pink.

We hosted Easter at our house this year. Here are the dad's and 9 months worth of daughters. Ella (9 months) and Todd. Dave and our little bunny. Tim ans Audrey (4 months). The Henderson children have been busy.

Hangin out with Pops. Weve been able to a see my parents every week.

We have been walking a lot. This is Ashby's walking outfit. Nice and cozy.

She is starting to hold her head up really well. It is so cute. She gets so excited and raises her eyebrows to show how hard she is concentrating.

Kuma finally came home. He is very protective of his little sister. This morning he was licking her feet while she had breakfast. It kept her awake to keep eating.

Taking walks is my new fitness routine. Its a good workout with a baby in the Bjorn.

My two loves... I call them the twins. Ashby is finally growing some hair on the top of her head.

At the park on Sunday. It was so warm..for Seattle. I think we reached 70!

Dave and Luke decided to jump off the dock right by our house. Our house is right on the other side of the bridge in the background. The day was warm but the water was still very very cold.

They are crazy! Football coaches...

So that is what is happening here. Moved into the house. Settling in. Lots going on and so little time to blog.

p.s. this was for you Kate.

6 weeks...in Seattle

2010-03-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

We are in Seattle! 2 days of driving took about a week to recover from.

It was a little tough with a 4 week old baby and a dog, in addition to our stuff...

We rented a house after a whirwind 2 weeks of looking and settling in. We move in tomorrow. I will post lots of pictures. Here are a few of Ashby since she has been in Seattle.

Who do you think she looks like?

Shaving with daddy..

Just want to kiss and kiss and kiss her..

She is getting chubby. Lots and lots of yummy milk! 10lbs 2 ounces at her 6 week appointment. 23 inches long!

3 weeks!!

2010-03-03T10:15:00.000-08:00

Elisha loves "his Ashby" He sang me a song he made up the other day about him and her going camping and how much he loves her. I recorded him on my phone. He tells everyone she is his baby sister.

Bunny ears from her auntie Bunmi.

Sleeping she looks just like her daddy...

Awake I see some of me in there. Her auntie stalker...I mean Drea, got her this outfit.

Yes... she has a ballerina outfit. Yes its a little scratchy. Yes...I had to make her wear it so she would have some cute pictures of it when she is older and in a tomboy phase.

Tummy time!

With momma D for her morning snuggles while I take a shower..

These are some of my favorites...

UPDATE:

We are moving to Seattle in 2 weeks. We are driving with my mom and dad and Dave and I in 2 days,k dropping off Kuma at a boarding school for a month in Portland with my uncle Peter's friend who has a premier kennel.

We don't have a place to live yet. But we have a hotel room for another month and a half so we are going to stay there (and its extended stay so we can cook and do different things while we are there.)

I will be coming back and forth for work. Only as long as I need to for benefits.

This crazy adventure is getting ready to take another turn.

So excited and yet sad at the thought of departure.

I am so ready to be there but not ready to leave.

Is it possible to love 2 places both so much...especially the place where my husband and I are under the same roof?

Pictures!

2010-02-25T07:20:00.000-08:00

Here are just a few of the zillions of photos I have already taken. Most of these are from the first week. The picture of me and Dave is the last from the day before we went to the hospital.

11:54

2010-02-17T13:15:00.000-08:00

Ashby has been here for just a few minutes over a week. It has been the most amazing and wonderful sleepless week. She is literally perfect. I recognize that I am a little biased but I literally just stare at her all the time. I decided a long time ago that I was going to breastfeed exclusively so she is usually attached to me (seriously, my body is no longer my own...she owns it.) She is a complete snuggler. If you hold her for more than 5 minutes she is snuggled down and ready to take a good nap. Fortunately Dave is a really good swaddler so we have successfully had two nights that she has slept in her bassinet. And at night she is sleeping for 3-4 hour stints so I am getting a lot of sleep. During my pregnancy I think I actually slept less because of insomnia, anxiety and just having to pee all the time. I am so grateful to have my hips back (from a comfort standpoint anyway).

So a few of you have asked me to tell you about my labor experience. I have not really had the energy to talk on the phone about it because its kinda a long one (27 hours from the check in to the delivery) and retelling it over and over kinda makes it feel less like my story. Plus I am spending so much time feeding her that when I am not I have enjoyed taking a shower, a nap, or eating (man....I have never been so hungry!) So if you don't want details or you don't want to hear about how she came out...please skip this post and read the next one!)

For my entire pregnancy the dr's were concerned that my blood pressure was slightly elevated. For some reason whenever I go to the dr those numbers go up, and then when I leave the office they go back down (white coat syndrome I think they call it). So they weren't super concerned. They monitored me the whole time, but toward the end my numbers started to significantly increase and I was spilling protein into my urine which worried them because it signifies kindey issues. I also had more swelling and weight gain toward the end of my pregnancy which was crazy because at the beginning they were concerned that I wasn't gaining enough weight. So they kept having me do 24 hour urine collection (yep, as gross as it sounds) and on Tuesday Feb 9, my midwife (Dave's aunt) called me to tell me that they had decided it was time to induce my labor. It was the weirdest five minutes. I hung up the phone and immediately burst into tears. After Dave held me for a few minutes I put on my game face and knew I was ready. So I took a shower and had some toast and we headed to the hospital.

We checked into the hospital about 9:30 and after an hour or so they hooked me up to the IV with my food source for the next 2 days (yum...sugar water!) and got everything set up. At 12 they gave me my first pill to induce contractions. The Dr said that it could take anywhere from 24-72 hours to get me into labor...but my body was on the verge of ready because within 30 minutes I started having measurable contractions. This happened at regular intervals until about 4 pm, but they were really manageable so Dave and I watched a movie and he had lunch. After that the contractions tapered off and they gave me another pill at 6 pm. They checked me at that point and I was only 1-2 cm dilated and about 70% efaced. So she wasn't really moving down. That second pill kicked in and the contractions immediately resumed and got a lot stronger. I watched my weekly NCIS and NCIS LA. At about 10 they came in to check me again and said they could start pitosin to increase the frequency of my contractions and we decided to wait a little for that. I was still on 1-2 cm. They came back at 11 and started the pitosin. Dave decided to go to sleep for a while so that he would be ready when I was in the harder part of labor. We had decided that I wanted to have a natural childbirth, if possible, and up to this point I had been feeling really good about it. The only annoying thing was that because of the high blood pressure I was not allowed to be up and out of my bed for longer than about 20 minutes, except for to sit in the rocking chair. That momentarily eased my discomfort and from 12-2 I put on my IPOD and listened to the labor playlist Kate and I made (lots of acoustic worship music) At about 2 Ritha woke up to ask if I needed to use the bathroom (which can also ease contraction pain) so I got up to go pee.

Let me just say that Pitosin and Cytotec (spelling?) are no joke. At this point I could not talk through the contractions and breathing normally was getting harder and harder. At 2:15 Ritha asked if she should wake up Dave and I whimpered yes. I got back in the rocking chair and from 2:30-4 I have never experienced anything like what I went through. Apparently inducing labor makes the contractions more frequent and much stronger than if I had gone into labor on my own. Each of my contractions was 1 minute long, about 30 seconds of which I can only describe as taking everything in me to not scream or pass out) and they continued to happen at 30 second intervals. So basically I barely had time to recover when another one hit me. Dave was absolutely amazing. He rubbed my back, he held my hand, he let me basically hang on to his neck and moan/breathe through each contraction. Ritha was helpful too, reminding me about breathing and options for pain management. At about 3:30 I started to notice a change. Instead of making it through each contraction I was beginning to feel like I was drowning in them. I started telling Dave that I didn't think I was going to make it through them without help. At 4 I asked the Dr to check me so I could see how far I had progressed.

4 cm. In an instant my entire birth plan went out the window and I felt complete peace as I said the words...EPIDURAL please! I could feel myself completely losing it. I didn't want to hate the experience. And I didn't want to have seizures because at this point my blood pressure was elevated at dangerous levels from the pain. From 4-4:45 I continued to labor without medicine, but I had the slightest relief knowing that I had an end in sight. They cleared the room and got me set up but I had 3 horrible contractions while they were putting in the needle and I couldn't move at all. That is the last thing I remember of the pain. By 5 I was experiencing complete relief. I wanted to do it natural, but I also wanted to be in control and this was the only way that I was going to have it. And I am so so glad that I did.

From 5-7 I dozed in and out. We called my mom at 6:45 and told her to come, but she was already at the hospital parking. At 7:15 the nurse came in to check me and I was 9 cm! Once my body relaxed from the epidural Ashby was able to move down and do her thing. At 8 I was talking to Dave's aunt when I felt a little kick and then my water broke. It was kinda like the movies. They had to change all my bed linens :). But it was clear so they knew that she was good. The nurse told me she wanted me to continue to let the contractions do their job and when she was already in the birth canal they would have me start pushing. At about 10 I began to feel sensations like she was coming out and it was getting a little uncomfortable again. I was having back pain and could feel the contractions, but nothing like the early hours of the morning. At 10:30 the Dr came in and checked me and said, alright lets do this. So they got set up and I started pushing about 15 minutes later.

At first I was having a hard time because I couldn't really feel what I was doing. Then they brought over the mirror. Again something I did not think I wanted to do, but in the moment it was so helpful! We pushed every other contraction until we started to she her hair. I mean we when I say we pushed because my mom and Ritha each had a foot and Dave was talking me through the whole thing. Once we could see her it was about every 3 minutes I was pushing for about a minute. Just when I thought that I couldn't push any more the Dr pulled out the scissors, cut a small episiotomy, and then told me to stop pushing. Her head came out and then with the next contraction her little hand came out with her shoulders. The Dr told me to grab her, so I reached down and literally pulled her out. Such a sweet sweet moment as my baby girl came out and into my arms.

The rest of the details after that are a blur. I was on medicine for my blood pressure and as soon as the high of her birth wore off, I felt like crap for about 12 hours and I was still on pitosin and some other stuff that made me so sleepy. I wasn't allowed to get out of bed for 12 hours but by the next day I was way better.

I love every minute of this story. It was the hardest, and the most amazing and rewarding experience. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Everytime I look into her beautiful face I am so amazed that she is real, that she is ours and that this is all happening.

Now we have been home since last Friday and we are falling into a rythym. Much much much more to come.

Ashby Noel Canales

2010-02-14T09:18:00.000-08:00

11:54 AM

26 hours of labor

7 pounds 10 ounces

21 inches

LOVE OF OUR LIVES

Induction

2010-02-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day as a pregnant lady.

I think I knew that when I woke up this morning at 2, anxious after a bad dream about losing Kuma and starving.

My last meal: Greek yogurt with honey and blueberries.

They are concerned about pregnancy induced hypertension so its time to induce.

Next post Ashby Noel.

LOVE YOUR PRAYERS

Seahawks

2010-02-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

Dave is home and the brothers are all geared up. I haven't had the baby or gone into labor, but I am on bedrest now because they are concerned with a rise in my blood pressure. Just taking extra precautions.

Please pray that I can have this baby now. Woke up last night with a lot of contractions. Pray that they do something!

Better than we could ask or imagine.

2010-02-01T19:47:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling ill prepared to write this post.

I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant and feeling so ready to be done being pregnant and to be a momma now. I'm uncomfortable and antsy and in this in between paused moving forward and yet totally on hold trying to keep myself busy.

Missing my husband who now lives 2 states away.

Because he is the new Offensive Quality Control coach for the Seattle Seahawks.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS.

NFL.

WHAT!!!!!!??????????

3 weeks ago we were watching ESPN, heads spinning with the prospects that Pete Caroll was leaving USC and we had no idea where or what or who or when or how or if that meant anything for us.

14 months ago Dave was trying to get over our round 2 playoff loss with El Camino College, making a stipend for football of about 1200$ a year.

There are many details to go over. Many answers to prayer that I cannot even begin to explain. So many ways that this makes absolutely no sense. So many ways that we have been elevated to a position that we are not even near qualified for and yet totally ready for. So many ways that God has said "Because I love you, because you are MY creation, which I made plans in advance for so you could fulfill my purposes for you, because I said I would never leave nor forsake you."

For the first time words like "stay at home mom" and "never have to go to LAUSD for a day of work again" are entering my mind. And they are going to be a reality.

Now we need to have a baby. I need to meet my daughter. But, not until after tomorrow.

Dave signed the paperwork today at his new office in Renton, WA. The Virginia Mason Athletic Center and the headquarters of Seahawk football. He has more meetings this week but will be on the first plane home when I tell him its time. Meanwhile my mom is here and we are having a "pre-baby" vacation of sorts just chilling out waiting.

And then in a month or so I will be packing up our things, our new sweet bundle, and joining my husband on our new adventure.

Here is a link to the article the put on the USC website today to announce the news.

http://www.usctrojans.com/blog/2010/02/canales-heads-to-seattle.html

Much much more to come. For now I am overwhelmed, excited, tired, thankful, and very very pregnant.

Ephesians 3

20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,

21 Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

Almost 37 weeks...

2010-01-20T07:33:00.000-08:00

Saw the Dr. yesterday. I am officially 2 cm dilated and Ashby is down head-first, getting ready to make her debut. Just a few pictures to show how I am looking (and what I am looking forward to someday again!!!)

Me at 5 1/2 weeks pregnant....just a little peanut Ashby in there.

Me at 36 1/2 weeks. Ashby likes to stick her butt out on the right side and kick my ribs...

Kuma, post operation and Conehead. We call him Conan the dogbarian. He got the snip last Thursday...poor guy.

Well, feeling like I am hunkering down now. Still no clue on Dave's career next year. Still wondering what God is going to do, but focusing on this little treasure that God is entrusting us with!

Faith and Faithfulness

2010-01-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing that God is instructing me in over and over and over it is dropping everything I hold as permanent and anything I use as an anchor and setting myself down in Christ's OVERWHELMING FAITHFULNESS. In order to experience God's Faith....we have to ourselves have ridiculous faith. I was cleaning the kitchen this morning (because they don't need me to sub..trial of Faith for where the $ is going to come from) and I put on a DVD concert of Jeremy Camp. His music ministered to me this morning. The lyrics to this song say much better than anything I can say but I believe and choose to believe today that God is who He says He is.

Psalm 27:
13 I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Walk by Faith: Jeremy Camp
Would I believe you when you would say

Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day

Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do

Well I'm broken, but I still see Your face
Well You've spoken, pouring Your words of grace

If you're like me and you need to see it or hear it, this is for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TdGEl5HZZM

The Pete Carroll express....

2010-01-14T08:59:00.000-08:00

Well, I haven't been around these parts for a while...

I have had a lot going on.
I had 2 beautiful baby showers.
1 new beautiful neice was born.
I spent 2 weeks in Seattle with my family.
I spent a week in San Francisco with USC football for the Emerald Bowl.
I have been ferverntly trying to clean, organize, purge, refresh, repair and declutter the house we will soon be welcoming Ashby into.
And finally my husband's boss got a new job and God pushed a giant pause, hold your breath button.

I am sure most of you have seen the news about the USC/Seattle Seahawks fiasco. A week ago we knew our future. Or we thought we did anyway. The funny thing is that really, REALLY, none of us know anything beyond this exact moment that we are in except that God has promised he will be faithful.

Friday morning Dave happened to be home when the news broke and we learned of the likely position in Seattle for Pete along with the rest of the world on ESPN. No time to prepare, no inside scoop. Nada. So we did what we thought best. We bought sandwhiches, went up to Point Fermin lookout in San Pedro, and walked Kuma after our little picnic. We just let it be. Walking along the cliff with our little family and watching the huge, vast ocean churn below us, we were perfectly content. Minds racing a mile a minute. Hand in hand, dog on leash, baby in belly, knowing that we were ok.

So what does this mean for us? Right now...we have no idea. Except that we know for certain that God has a plan, and that from these events we can expect miracles and blessings that we cannot even begin to fathom. Honestly we literally have no idea what is next. Do we have a job? Do we need to start looking? Like I said, BIG FAT PAUSE BUTTON.... God is so funny like that. Not to mention that I am 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow and that also means limbo because we are waiting for this little one to make her debut!

My salvation is this: God's track record is 100%. Make that 110%. He has never failed me. He has never not shown up. In fact he has always shown up even when I am the one that has intentionally gotten myself into the mud, the pit, the mire, the yuck of all that life has to offer. Why would he change now? God is constant: life and me and circumstances and jobs...those are temporary. God is who he says he is and forever faithful.

Lamentations 3:21-26
21 Yet this I call to mind
       and therefore I have hope: ²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
       for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
       great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
       therefore I will wait for him."
²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
       to the one who seeks him;
²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
       for the salvation of the LORD.

I am taking this one day at a time. Dave and I have never been closer and never felt the need to simply keep our little family safe in the comfort of each other. As soon as we have solid news I will post it here. And as soon as Ashby is here I will share her news with all of you.

In the meantime...take heart. It is good to wait QUIETLY for the salvation of the Lord. Salvation is forgiveness of our sins, but also redemption from the pit of life's circumstances.

Imagine if you could just trust that God IS who he says he is. Imagine what he could do....

Audrey Isabel Owens

2009-12-17T17:15:00.000-08:00

Friday night, the 11th, marked the entrance of my new niece: Audrey Isabel Owens. She is the prettiest little thing that you ever saw! I love her! Mom and Dad and Nolan are doing great. She was 9 pounds 4 ounces and my sister pushed her out au naturale! GO AMY! Can't wait for Ashby to get to play with her big older cousin....

Here are a few of my favorites...

2009-12-08T08:41:00.000-08:00

Maternity Pictures

2009-11-25T08:18:00.000-08:00

Dave and I had a maternity photo session last week...

I wanted to capture this time in our lives since everything is so hectic. I always want to remember what it feels like to have Ashby squirming around in my belly and to one day show her what she looked like when she was inside. Or at least what her mama looked like.

As soon as I get the digital images I will post them here, but for now here is the link:

http://www.themoderntypeblog.com/2009/11/lizzy-david-darling.html

If you live in Southern California and you need some pictures done....Ala is fabulous!

Or if your are getting married or need hair and makeup done for any reason, here is the link to my roommate and close friend Carlie Buys' website...she helped me look my absolute best that day.

www.carlie-b.com

29 weeks on Black Friday and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Oh Baby!

2009-11-19T08:25:00.000-08:00

I wish I could push a button and slow things down...

WAY DOWN!!!

Tomorrow I will be 28 weeks pregnant and into my third trimester! THIRD!!! Holy Ashby Noel Canales!

The weeks are flying by. Its Thursday already !!! Wasn't it just Sunday lazy afternoon?

A few wonderful things that have happened since I blogged last...

1. I went to the USCvsSTANFORD game last Saturday... it was a blood bath but I had a blast with one of my dear friends Stephanie Villa Davis (another soon to be coaches wife..they are already married but God is walking them down the coaching path too!) We had field passes and they have surprisingly yummy healthy food for a vegetarian/vegan like us!

2. My girlfriends had a mommy shower for me on Sunday! It was so much fun and really made me realize that she is going to be here so so soon! They had lots of yummy food and we hung out all afternoon laughing and talking and giving me mommy presents... I have pedicures and massages and lotions and other pampering items for the rest of the pregnancy! I don't have any pictures with me today, but I will put some in later. Here is a link to my friend Nea's blog who was one of the wonderful hostesses!

http://lovebugbuzz.blogspot.com

3. I got Ashby's crib yesterday! This wonderful friend of a friend was gracious enough to give me her beautiful crib she had used with her sons. Its Italian oak and just needs a new coat of paint, but it is in her room and ready for us to get ready for her! Kate and I drove around forever in Beverly Hills to find this lady, but it was an adventure full of broken English and lots of Armenian. I will post pictures soon, but her room is currently home to my cousin Andrew while he and Kate scope out their next living arrangement!

And tomorrow we have our maternity photo shoot! I am so excited and grateful to have been connected with Alicia and her amazing photo shooting skills! And the help of my dear friends Carlie and Nea to help me get ready. I will post as soon as I have them! Here is her link...

www.themoderntypeblog.com

So that is the news. Again, I have photos of all of these things, but not quite ready to post them.

Homecoming!

2009-11-07T22:15:00.001-08:00

Homecoming football game! Longest week of my life!!

Alumni and current cheerleaders after the win!

one of my girls who doesn't fly often, obviously very excited...

Alumni stunters

My team decked out for homecoming..

breakthrough banner and balloons (took them hours to make and seconds to destroy.

My captains laughing at their non preggo bellys!

Locker decorations early this morning!

Halloween

2009-10-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

Dave and I came home from date night last night to see this glowing face waiting for us. We went to the pumpkin patch about a week ago, but had never gotten around to carving the pumpkins.

I'll be honest after a long day, a full dinner, and it being 10 pm I was not really down to carve pumpkins. But Dave was. And Katie is always down to do anything as a family. So we carved. Katie did mine. Dave did his. I did Ashby's.

Here they are all finished. Dave's is a football mask pumpkin. Mine is a baby in utero (its pretty sweet! Katie should start a business!) and Ashby's is a baby bumble bee.

Here is the patch from the front door view. Drew and Kuma still need to carve their pumpkins. It was worth staying up until 12!

OSU football weekend!

2009-10-27T13:06:00.000-07:00

This weekend my other roommate (my cousin Andrew) dad came to visit. It was great to spend time with my uncle Steve. We went to the USC game (YEAH!! I finally got to go!!)

Here we are outside the stadium. We wanted to get the coliseum in the shot, but it was a little difficult with 90,000 people all around us...My uncle is a BEAVER, but wore this shirt to support Dave. Even if he cheered for OSU the whole time :)

Again, haven't figured out camera angles. I look huge, but I think it is the shirt and the angle. I do not really look this pregnant I don't think...

My hubby pregame hard at work.

Sisters down on the field. We got to use the field passes to watch warm-ups on the field.

Dave is one of those guys during the game. Not sure which but he is charting the plays from the box.

One last action shot....

23 weeks...

2009-10-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

Here is a belly update picture...
23 weeks today! My big sister Amy is 32 weeks today too... 2 new babies for the Hendersons!
Ashby is moving all the time now...I have literally started to see her kicks jiggle my belly.

Its really all about the angle for belly shots. From this one I look huge!

As you can see here its more normal 5 1/2 months sized bump going on...
Kuma loves his mommy and definitely knows something is going on with my tummy.
I had this crazy realization today that if I am 23 weeks along in this pregnancy, she is going to be here in about 17 weeks give or take...that is SOOOO soon.
HOLY COW!!! (yes I still say that..)

Clarity...

2009-10-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

OK People!

I need one more person to respond to my Pay it Forward post!

Terra and Haley...you can expect a little pay it forward gesture coming your way, but remember you have to pass it on..

So one more person...hit me up (reread the previous post if you are confused..)

Pay It Forward...

2009-10-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to do this for a long time. I am continuing the chain from a friend who I saw post this on her blog...

In this age when there is too much going on, we rarely take time out to do things for each other. My friend Cathy posted a "pay it forward" link in which she promised something special for the first 3 people to respond to her blog.

It doesn't have to be anything expensive or even cost anything at all for that matter. It can be homemade, or something to just bless the person who decides to respond. Within a few weeks you can expect something special just from me, provided you promise to keep this chain going.

I got the neatest little stationary set with my name on it....

Mountaintops and Valleys

2009-09-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

God is SO GOOD!
So many good things are happening but it is so easy to start looking at our circumstances and getting distracted from the work that God is doing in us. I went to church on Sunday with one of my cheerleaders who was getting baptized and God did what he always does when you sit down to listen (learning more and more that it is pretty key to stop what you are doing long enough to hear something).
This theme of being obedient when things are difficult is reoccurring in my life. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Something that someone said at church struck me for the very first time and was very powerful. We love the mountaintop. We love the view. We love to be able to look out and survey everything and know where we came from. It is exhilarating. It is awe inspiring. And it is the thing we hope for all the time.

(thenorthface.com.au/media/news/mountain_top.jpg)
But what really struck me, more than that was that nothing grows on the top of a mountain. We cannot stay up there because we would literally starve. We would be isolated, we would be cold, and eventually we have to come down. So many times I am striving for everything to feel like a mountaintop. To be able to look out on my life and make sense of it all and put everything in its place feels really good. To have the peace of understanding my situation and feeling like my life is in place is my mountaintop. But nothing grows on a mountaintop.

images.travelpod.com/users/jo21/australia2006..
We get really uncomfortable in the Valley. We can't see what is ahead of us or above us. It is difficult because we are always having to work to get up and out. Yet here is where the water flows. Here is where God's healing takes place. Here is where all of the food we need grows and we find shelter. Maybe not the most comfortable or restful place, but the place where we find sustenance and growth.
"For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For things that are seen are transient, but the things that are seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

More house updates...

2009-09-25T15:46:00.001-07:00

Here are some photos of the rest of the cool stuff we did to our house while my parents were here.
I just loaded my new dishwasher and my feet and back are so thankful that I did not have to handwash any of the dishes...

Plus an entire new cabinet and c0unter space for my pots and pans and cooking.

New french doors and window in the living room.
On a hot day like today (close to 95 degrees) we just open the front and back door and the breeze flows right through...

Here is another view of the beautiful work my dad did.

Now I just have to move furniture around when some of it leaves in November with Katie.

Seasons....

2009-09-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last 2 hours watering my flowers, washing clothes, cleaning the house, and listening to a worship mix my roommates and I listened to for hours and hours and hours when we were in college. In fact I can honestly remember listening to this CD pretty much nonstop the entire time I was in Bolivia.

As I listened and went about working, stopping to kiss Kuma and drink water, I talked to God. That is really how I pray. I just think and talk to God in my head all day long. And never do I hear God more clearly than when I am listening to music. I thought back to the time in my life when I really listened to this CD last and I remembered how difficult, intense, heartbreaking, healing, scary, lonely and utterly desperate that time was. All I could think about was myself and I think that was A VERY GOOD THING. That was my season for God to take me in His arms and love me through all of the breakthroughs He needed to do for me to be able to walk fully into His plans for my life. I truly believe that every person needs to travel outside of their comfort zone, get out of the boat, and walk (albeit sinking and feeling the waves begin to overtake us) arms outstretched to Jesus.

That being said, I am so glad that God requires that of us for only a season. Many of my closest friends are going through that stage right now and to you I say "Believe in the journey that God has you on, because the end point is really not the goal. This journey you are on is the most important thing you could ever undertake in your entire life. " Also, listen to a lot of worship music, journal what God is doing in your life so you can go back later and see the AMAZING work God has done. Even if it seems insignificant I promise you will look back and cry to see how FAITHFUL God is and how much he cares for even the most insignificant of needs. " Being confident of this that HE who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

The season I find myself in is very different. For the past couple of years the Lord has been walking me along a very different part of my journey. This journey has been very rarely focused on me. To be honest it was a big relief to turn my attention away from my own wretchedness, and to focus on how I can love others. Specifically how I can love my husband. If I could give this season any name it is "Love your husband and give your life to him." When I first got married I was constantly finding ways that Dave wasn't loving me enough, wasn't taking care of me enough, wasn't being the husband that I thought I deserved. It was miserable. The funny thing about this last season is that God has spoken very rarely to me. Not to say that I am disconnected. In fact I can honestly say that I have never been so deeply rooted in my relationship with Christ than I have in this last few years. It is just that God simply said is "Love your husband." That's pretty much it.

As I listen to this song "All I want to do is give this life to you" I realized this morning that this is my service to God. God told me today again "Love your husband." Do not focus on what he can't give you right now. Don't think about your loneliness or what you don't have. LOVE YOUR HUSBAND, because when you do that you love ME. When you find yet another way to make his life easier, you find another way to encourage him, you find another way to take something off his plate, I am loving my Savior. God put Dave in this position at USC for a purpose. It is into require everything of him to become successful and to do God's work. Until God tells me otherwise, my purpose on this earth is to make sure my husband has everything he needs to do that job.

Not saying that I am the little wife sitting at home cooking and baking waiting for my husband to get home so I can rub his feet and give him the newspaper. My heart has to be completely surrendered to loving and serving my husband whatever ways become apparent that he needs me to. This is another season. The only thing I know for certain is that seasons, no matter their duration, are just that: for a time.

I encourage you all of my married friends, to let go of expectations for 1 week. Ask God to give you a heart of service. I cannot begin to explain how full my heart is of Love for Dave now that I am not concerned with anything except trying to love him as best I can. And how that has poured out all over my entire life right now. How when he holds my hand it is as if God instantly fills in all of the hours of the day that I don't get to have with him. I have also noticed that Dave wants to give back to me more than he ever has before. When God tells you to do something, and you are obedient, he does not disappoint you.

Here is the beauty in this all: It is becoming easier and easier to do. I have so much peace, so much love, and so much joy daily because Christ is still faithful to me, each and every step of this journey. Be encouraged and know that God is going to reward your hard work. He says it in His word and He does not lie.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the PROPER TIME we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." Galatians 6: 9-10

And now the news you've all been waiting for...

2009-09-15T14:26:00.000-07:00

Ashby Noel Canales
The doctors had to tell us that there is still a possibility that this is really a boy and we may not have seen it yet, but I just felt her kick me when I wrote that so I think she is trying to say something! Plus I think it would have been obvious if there was something between her legs...

Sucking her thumb...hopefully she won't do that as long as her mom did...2 rounds of braces later!

Our Daughter. I cannot believe it.
We are so incredibly happy!

Engaged!!

2009-09-14T21:55:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to my best friend since I was born.
Literally we've been friends since I was born and she was six months old!!!

To the soon to be Mrs. Mark Caldwell!
I love you to the moon....

garden pavers

2009-09-11T14:28:00.000-07:00

Ever since I built my garden on the side of the house, I have been looking for a way to get free gravel to put around it so that it wouldn't be so muddy when I water it. Well, turns out all I needed to do was use the dirt, rocks and chunks of my old driveway and that was all I would need. It actually turned out beautifully and way prettier than if I had purchased gravel. Plus it just cost me getting a new driveway, which I did not purchase anyway (again, who are my parents? they are amazing)

This is the pathway that Drew made through the back planter. It looks so cool and winds all through the raised back retaining wall garden.

The he laid all of the broken pieces of the driveway in a pattern (which we were going to have pay 350$ to haul away no thank you!) and then filled it in with the pile of dirt in the back yard. Yes, we learned our lesson this time and put the dirt in the backyard thanks to my crazy neighbor who likes to call the city of Carson for eveything!

The new garden "pavers" go all the way around the entire garden.

The dirt is like cement, and every time I water it settles down further into the ground. What a beautiful garden! I am thankful beyond words to my amazing cousin Andrew who moved all of the stones around and shoveled dirt while I watched...the only thing about pregnancy that has been hard for me to get used to. This whole letting people help me and life things...

Driveway

2009-09-10T08:10:00.001-07:00

I have decided to showcase one thing a day from our amazing week with my parents.
What started out as hiring a couple of guys in the parking lot at Home Depot to mow the lawn and do some weeding turned into painting the shed, the fence and garden gate. Then they gave my mom an offer that she couldn't refuse. They told her they do concrete work. That was all she needed to hear. She negotiated a rock bottom price for a new driveway and walkway all along the east side of the house. It took them 3 days to remove the old driveway (if you can even call it that) and formed the new one. It was amazing to watch them mix all of the concrete (6 truckloads full) by hand. If anyone needs a new driveway or patio, I know some guys....

Previously the side of the house was horrible. It was dirt and there were bugs everywhere, and sometimes Kuma would try to dig under the gate. Now I can easily roll my garbage cans off the street and back next to my house!!

Here is a view of the new driveway early this morning. The new driveway is 5 feet wider than the old one, and I don't have to step in the mud when I get out of the passenger side of the car. And no I will be able to negotiate the driveway in heels! Not that I am really wearing heels right now, but if I was....

The house looks like a house to me. Not a duplex. It makes such a huge difference to the curb appeal of the house, and also now to the amount of time it is going to take me to clean my house because I know we will be tracking in way less dirt.

Thank you mom for letting that bee get in your bonnet. I love you.

PS if you want to see what it looked like before, check out my blog from July 15, 2008. WOW

major changes...

2009-09-09T10:20:00.000-07:00

My mom and dad were here for the last 8 days...
Needless to say there was a lot of laughter, a lot of lattes (decaf for me, except for a few times...I know I know I am a horrible pregnant person) a lot of speed scrabble, and a lot of construction!

My dad and mom wanted to really help us out to get ready for the baby to be comfortable (or for me to stay sane once the baby is here!

Here is a sneak peak at some of the LIFE ALTERING strides they made...

I no longer am deemed "dishwasher" for something else in my house has this job...

The laundry room door is no longer the only way out back...

I am no longer going to be walking up a broken, 1/2 tar cement chunk 1/2 dirt driveway.

MOM AND DAD!!! I ADORE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK!!

It's kinda quiet around here with just me and Kuma...

17 weeks...

2009-09-04T16:16:00.001-07:00

As promised, I will start posting belly pictures...
My computer is broken but working well enough to at least do that.
Anybody want to buy this girl a new computer? (JOKE!!)
Here is a picture I took in secret when I first found out I was pregnant.I didn't tell Dave for 2 weeks so I could surprise him for father's day.

5 weeks pregnant...baby C was the size of an apple seed.

17 weeks: baby Benby is the size of an onion.
We had an ultrasound yesterday but the little booger did not want us to know if we are having a son our a daughter so we must continue to wait.

This fun picture is from a week ago after the football scrimmage.
Yes, that is sweat. It was almost 100 degrees. Ritha was handing me a continuous stream of water bottles and we hung out in the bathroom a lot dousing ourselves with water.

My mom and dad are in town changing my life through projects at the house to prepare for the baby. More pictures to come when my kitchen isn't torn to pieces.

Catch Up

2009-08-27T13:00:00.001-07:00

Its been a little while since I updated and shared our big news...
Since then I finally have some energy back and its a pretty good thing I do because I have had the busiest month...
Here are some of the highlights...
CHEER CAMP

I have the BEST team this year!!!! They are a lot of fun as you can see from this spontaneous dance party...

They are talented too..back tuck basket toss mid air..

This is just some of the fun stuff we put together at camp. We went to UCSB this year which was beautiful and very productive

This is my pretty 2009-2010 team!
I literally unpacked for about 6 hours, then repacked and headed up to Cannon Beach for our annual girls trip. This year the first 4 days were stormy which I LOVED!!! Its been so so so hot in Southern California

Haystack from our front porch in the rain

The clouds made for some beautiful sunsets!

The newest addition to our family... Jonah Michael, my cousin Valerie's beautiful new boy! Next year at the beach their will be 2 little ones!

The whole family at Sleepy Monk, our favorite coffee place! Andrew is an honorary girl since he is the only male cousin so he is allowed at the girls only trip...though he doesn't usually stay the whole time. I wonder why?...

This has been what most of my summer has looked like. Me and my puppy. Or me and my sister. Especially since Dave has officially started his first season of football as a Trojan.

This was after Salute to Troy which is basically a glorified college pep rally. It was fun and nice to have dinner with my husband (he usually gets home around 12 now...)

Amy came into town for a sister weekend. Here is Katie surround by a 24 week and 15 week pregnancy sandwich! Amy is due December 12th and I am due February 12th! Sisters and new cousins... and you can see the very beginnings of my little bump.
Although I can relate to the feeling of feeling much more like a sausage than a pretty pregnant person...

So that is the update. MOM and DAD are coming for a visit next week and we are going to work on the house and start working on the babies room...and we have an ultrasound that may let us know if it is a Benjamin or an Ashby in my tummy!

FEBRUARY 12....

2009-08-03T17:40:00.000-07:00

WERE HAVING A BABY!!!!!

Today I am 12 weeks, 3 days pregnant.

DAVE AND I ARE BEYOND OVERJOYED!!!!

I am finally feeling like a normal person... sort of anyway. I was sick for about 7 weeks (nausea and general complete loathing for food all together which stinks when you know you are trying to grow a baby)

I CANNOT BELIEVE A HALF ME HALF DAVE PERSON IS GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!!

I am due right after the football season finally winds down so daddy is going to be able to be around!

DID I MENTION WE ARE SO SO SO HAPPY?!!!!

So here is our big news! To everyone that is finding out this way, thank you for wanting to know about our lives enough to check our blog. To those of you who already know, thank you for keeping our secret... you are free to tell anyone you want!

MANY MANY MANY MORE UPDATES TO COME!!!

PS. The family has affectionately named the baby BENBY (combination of our choice of names be it boy or girl!) We plan to find out, which will be in September sometime. And I plan on belly pictures so stay tuned!

SISTER COUSINS

2009-07-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

These women are some of my most favorite in the entire world. I am truly blessed to have family that I also love and want to be around for extended periods of time...like all the time. And in two weeks (less than that) I will be with them for 8 days on the Oregon Coast. For the 24th year in a row.

We coined a term a while back. We call it sister-cousins because we are more like sisters than cousins. Haley and I have adapted that even further to say SCBF (Sister-cousin-best-friend)

GIN YER HEART BE CAULD A CANNA WARM YE!

Honest

2009-07-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like the only thing I ever do is clean up, do laundry, and do dishes.

Seriously. I know I don't have kids and I have nothing to complain about, but SERIOUSLY!

Plus my house is an oven (Thank you Jesus for my house!) so it makes it even more annoying at times.

Just being honest.

Going slow...

2009-07-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

It is really funny. I have so little going on right now, but I feel like I don't know how to handle all of this free time. I have the summer off!!! Yes. Thankfully I am not teaching summer school this year because with all of the budget cuts, there simply wasn't a job for me. I finished my Master's in Education on the 30th (which hasn't really sunk in yet apparently) and literally have cheer practice 3 days a week and that is it. It is really crazy. All of a sudden I am just free. I have housework, I have a dog to walk, and I have a lot of great books I need to catch up on, but otherwise I am FREE.

Time out: the meth addict that lives in my neighborhood just walked by. FYI. His name is Miggie. He is so far gone he really poses no threat, but I can always bet I will see him walk by at some point on a serious mission (sometimes at 10 pm in shorts and a tank top!) Yep, I live in LA.

Anyway, I have so many pictures to put up, so many updates, but I will just make a list for now.

1. I am done with Grad school. I never want to go back (but I probably will at some point)

2. I have no job for the summer except relaxing and cheer :)

3. Katie is living with Dave and I for the summer and it is really fun to have her.

4. I have a new niece named Ella Louis Henderson. She is TOO CUTE!

5. My sister Amy is almost half way through her second pregnancy so I will be an auntie yet again (# 7 if you count Dave's side and mine) in December.

6. I bought a fancy camera as a graduation present for myself. A Nikon D60. Once I get my computer fixed I will upload some new photos.

7. I also bought a new lounge chair for my backyard (another present to myself) on sale at Target for 48$ (down from 200$!!) Love the clearance section at my FAVORITE store.

8. Dave is off work this month everyday around 3 (sometimes earlier!) so I get to hang out with him before August when football starts (and I probably wont see him until January ish....)

Well, somewhat boring. But that is the latest news. Off to make the bed, change the laundry, drink some lemonade, and walk the pup.

New Buddies

2009-06-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

This weekend our friends Anthony and Kristen came to spend the weekend in LA and brought their puppy Marley. Needless to say Kuma had a blast.
Just look how tired he looks. He loves to play. Marley is about 1/3 Kuma's size, but she beat Kuma up! He slept all afternoon Sunday...

Play time!

Break time.

Can we come in and lay down?

I love letting Kuma play with other dogs. He is such a great dog, great personality and he is great with kids and other dogs. Doesn't like when people come to the door, but loves people.

I love this face...

2009-06-16T20:49:00.001-07:00

We went to the dog beach today.

KUMA LOVES THE BEACH!!!!
(and I love how tired he gets after the beach!!)

Apparently he likes to swim also. Literally launched himself
off the beach into deep waves and went for it. Now you know why
he was named after a black bear...

Tired on the way home...

My Birthday

2009-06-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

For my birthday Dave surprised me with what I had really been wanting. A vegetable garden.

He didnt plant the vegetables, but he turned the west side of the house into my own private place to grow my flowers and veggies.

He literally designed an arbor and fence to keep the entire west side yard into my own secret garden. He built the whole thing while I was gone in Kansas City.

It was the best present he could have ever gotten me.

Here are some pictures.

Kuma, the bird dog. He's 115 pounds now!

My new arbor and fence. The middle is a gate.

My secret garden. You can't see them very well but I bought two climbing roses that will grow up and over the arbor.

You can kinda see the roses here.

8 tomato plants, 4 different kinds of peppers, cilantro, beets, basil, yellow squash and artichokes. Yum! I am so excited to make salsa from my own yard!

Courage

2009-05-21T09:37:00.001-07:00

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

Alan Cohen.

I LOVE IT!

Babies and Weddings

2009-05-17T19:22:00.000-07:00

2 weddings, 1 new baby, 1 very pregnant friend later the weekend is over.
It was very full. One of those weekends where you need a weekend to recover from the weekend.
Here are some highlights.

A very skinny and recovering Isaac and two of his sons.

New landscaping on the side of the driveway

As promised grass pictures! Thanks to my cousing Drew.

Backyard grass is a little more patchy but the back planter has flowers.
Phil and baby Thrash! Emry Kaidi Thrash in town from Maui
The first newlyweds. Mr & Mrs. Joe Hernandez

And the second couple (both weddings at the same time. I literally was the girl from 27 dresses minus the bridesmaid part). Mr. & Mrs. Sean Davis!

Makes me want to get married all over again, minus the get married planning etc.

Breaking in the backyard with the first barbeque. Its starting to feel like a really good summer is on its way.

5-7-81

2009-05-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Baybuh.
I love you.

Sunday

2009-05-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

Elisha's favorite song is "I know who I am"
We sang it on Sunday at church. If you have never heard it you should look it up
The words are really amazing.
Even more amazing was watching my 2 1/2 year old nephew singing up on stage this Sunday.
He is such a natural entertainer (just like his dad!)

Copying Aunty Bebe

Laughing at his dad singing

Baby Rias wearing uncle dayday's glasses

We went to the Dodger game after church.

Rias wanted to drive.

He was pretty sleepy during the game.

And it was loud.

After a good nap it was much more fun for him.

The Nickerson family

Bird dog

2009-05-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

That is a nickname he got a long time ago.
How? It started as kuku bird (from Kuma)
and ended at bird. Honcho the flying bird actually

Here he is on the way to the beach

look how huge he is compared to the rest of the dogs

LOVES THE OCEAN!!

Did I mention loves it?

Hasn't figured out how to get the ball out of the water without getting a big mouthful of salt water.

3 years!

2009-04-16T17:58:00.000-07:00

Happy 3 Year Anniversary to us!

Apology

2009-04-14T14:06:00.001-07:00

This is just a note to say that I am sorry for posting such depressing blogs lately. I am really happy.
Dave is SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW I CANT PUT IT INTO WORDS (and he's desperately tired too!)

I am busy, tired, blessed and excited for the future. Please check back for some exciting pictures on my blog soon.

Fight On!!

Salt and Pepper

2009-03-31T12:11:00.000-07:00

Lately life has been feeling very black and white

1 minute things feel incredible
The next minute I am spiraling into a pit
Then I recognize that is happening, start circular breathing (thanks yoga) and then I'm back on the way up or out or calm or something.

Its very exhausting.

Case in point:
Awesome weekend in San Diego for 4 days with Dave during spring break. Sleeping on the beach and hanging out.
Driving home mad at Dave because he is dumb sometimes...
Relaxing week off from cheer and meetings with my new captains.
67 people showing up for the cheer meeting.
One of the girls that didn't make captain completely ignoring me.
No money. I mean literally none.
Hanging out at the track meet and judging pole vault.
Going to sleep alone....
Watching my husband coach on Saturday and seeing his face on the local news that night
Eating dinner alone...
Sleeping in on Sunday.
Venice beach and the drum circle.
Still getting ignored by cheerleaders and letting my opinion be fully known.
5 guys to basket toss and 4 toss to hands extension partner stunts the first day of tryouts. (You have no idea how great that one was...you tube that stunt and you will see why!)

I have been waking up at 2 am almost every night. Despite the fact that I have completely cut out caffeine. Another frustration. Another long night and tired day.

Don't get me wrong. I am completely satisfied with most of my life...
This pace and these extremes are very draining.
That's all.

Off...

2009-03-18T17:11:00.001-07:00

Dave is off this week for spring break...lets just say that we have gotten a lot done..
well he has. I have been working

This was our house about a week after we got it in the auction

This is the house now that we have leveled the front and back, added mulch and grass seed (hopefully we will have beautiful grass pictures in about a month)

This is the backyard as we found it.
In the far right corner (out of view) was a bunch of bamboo

Here it is level, retaining wall, mulch, grass seed, and new patio

Now we can relax and wait for the grass to grow.
Some other things that have been going on the last few weeks..

My nephew Judah, born 9 weeks premature, is healthy and thriving!

Kuma made a new friend..Bodie (Mike and Tia's new puppy, house to follow soon!)

Kuma is a huge dog, Bodie is 8 weeks old. And weighs more than Kuma did when we brought him home. THAT IS CRAZY!

Kuma a few weeks ago, the bear stalking the house...

Kuma when he was a baby, also stalking me and the camera.

We are off for the weekend on vaca to San Diego. Well, staying with friends at their house and heading to the beach but it will be very relaxing! That's the news from down here

more progress

2009-03-02T14:48:00.003-08:00

I am so incredibly tired today. Long weekend with lots of progress. The backyard is one step closer today to being done. Probably doesn't help that I haven't had any coffee today and its rainy/cloudy.

The backyard on Friday afternoon, more level and partially dug drainage

Kevin and Dave putting in rebar for the retaining wall
What manly men!

Dave demonstrating proper lift technique

Kuma supervising

Almost finished retaining wall sans stairs

The view as the sun goes down. Can't wait to post a finished product (mostly because that means we will be done!!!

Poison

2009-02-25T08:50:00.000-08:00

"What there is in this world, I think, is a tendency for human errors to level themselves like water throughout their sphere of influence. That's pretty much the whole of what I can say looking back. There's the possibility of balance. Unbearable burdens that the world somehow does bear with a certain grace." The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver, page 522.

I was pissed last night. I still have a little bitter taste in my mouth. And the sad part is I had a really good day. I worked (and have had a job every day of this month). I went to LAUSD (who believes that they paid me too much in 2007 if you can believe that!!!) and they realized their computations were way wrong....always always always ask for proof from bureaucracy when they try to pull one over on you. The good thing about them is they are afraid of unions! I went to my sisters house and we walked to Trader Joe's with backpacks to get groceries and ended up finding ourselves in the middle of a farmers market. Amazing. And we cooked a fabulous dinner. Then while I was driving home I got a phone call from my hubby telling my we were cited for the dirt pile in my front yard and the dirt on the sidewalk.

I immediately knew who called that in. Because the citation was at 4:55pm and I know the city of Carson errs on the side of finishing early, not being out late writing up citations. And they gave us 36 hours, in the middle of a workweek, to move the dirt. I can still see her beady little eyes as she hides behind her potted plants smoking cigarettes watching me.

All we are trying to do is make this place look like the rest of the houses on the street. NICER. Sorry we cant take a week off to move a pile of dirt back. We have pipes and sprinklers being installed on Friday and our new retaining wall will be up on Saturday. And the dirt will be level. And the weeds that have always been here will be replaced by pretty green grass.

I wish I could let stuff like that go but when people wrong me, especially behind my back, I want to make sure they know that they don't have that power over me. But the truth is we all have the incredible power to hurt each other. Poisonous we are. Toxic even.

And as my mom and I talked about yesterday, the truth is that we often times don't do our best and, while we learn from it and hopefully adapt, we leave a wake behind us of destruction and catastrophe. We were in the wake yesterday, the faraway waves lapping at the other shore. Nothing to steer us off course but to splash us and see us rolling concrete across the lawn and shoveling/sweeping dirt at 9 pm. Pissed.

I'm going to try to make my wake small today. Try to not pour out to much evil.

Oh, and we called the city. Got a week extension for the dirt. I want to say "eat your heart out" to her, but I wont. So I will say it to you.

Progress...

2009-02-22T20:20:00.000-08:00

This was mu backyard when we first moved in.

It looks like it is going uphill because it is. We wanted to level it right away but flooring and electrical and new plumbing took priority. Until it started raining and we had floods below our bedroom window a few times. Priority shifted back to the yard.

Last weekend we started by cutting down the bamboo. Kuma was helpful.

Then Friday morning this little beauty arrived!

Dave got right to work. Yep, still uphill.

Coba came over to help on Saturday morning when Dave went to go on a recruiting weekend at SC.

Pretty soon we had visitors.

Elisha brought his tractor..

And scooped dirt off of my patio.

Then he got a chance to help uncle Coba. He literally rode along for almost and hour.

The dirt mound in the front yard grew and attracted the neighborhood. I finally had to establish dirt pile rules (1. no kicking dirt or sliding down the driveway side of the pile 2. no cussing)

Then more friends came to help.

King of the hill and gatorades for my bamboo helpers!

Tomorrow Dave has a day off so he is going to put in drainage and next weekend we are going to plant grass! I am so very very excited!

Dog Poo

2009-02-12T10:45:00.000-08:00

Well it never fails...
I am really good at letting the dumbest things (and hey even some really important things) get the best of me. I mean really. Like I get depressed and then I find myself turning everything off and shutting down. For what??? For something I usually can't control or if I can I really shouldn't anyway. I stay in bed a little bit longer, eat a little bit worse, and spend money I shouldn't as a justification.
Then usually Jesus hits me between the eyes as only Jesus can (in a very loving, sweet, knock you on your ass type of way that really wakes you up). Like reminding me that I don't have it all together and that I am missing the mark on a lot of things. So maybe I should just focus on those things and asking for grace for me, instead of everyone else that pisses me off.
And then sometimes he just gives me a good dose of humility.
For Example:
Woke up this morning to Dave telling me that Kuma had gotten sick in the middle of the night and had diarrhea all over the floor, his bed, his cage, the wall and himself. He got into my gardening stuff yesterday and must have eaten something that didn't agree with his system. So before school I was wiping up poop, scrubbing poop, spraying off poop, bleaching floors, walls, towels and then giving the poor boy a bath. And while I am sitting in the tub he just looks up at me and puts his head on my shoulder and sighs. Like "sorry mom, I tried to wake you up but you kept sleeping." And then while I cleaned up after him, he threw the ball to himself and sniffed to see what I was doing.
OK OK, I get it. We are all into crap up to our elbows...so we might as well clean up and stop crying about the stench.
Its pointless and disgusting.

Word is out...

2009-02-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

The day before our wedding..

Well, I have been thinking about this blog for almost a months and a half now. In my mind it was way more glorious and exciting and I was shouting from the rooftops and yeah..something big. I know what your thinking and the answer is no..I am not pregnant. Not yet..still got that masters to finish on Thursday! (which I am sure I will also blog about because I am so excited for that to be finished..)

Dave and I have been dreaming and scheming since before we got married. Actually Dave was dreaming and scheming before we ever started dating about his future as a football coach. He quit a lucrative job in commercial real estate (his replacement made 100, 000 dollars the first year...) to coach the JV football team at Carson high school... I was in Bolivia at the time, pining away for the love of my life having no idea that he even was interested in me. Later I would find out he had already told his family that we were going to get married when I came back...this man knows what he wants!

2 years later he had the opportunity to apply for the head varsity coach, become a coordinator at Carson, or take an assistant job at El Camino College. El Camino has been national champions or division champions almost every year since the tenure of head coach John Featherstone began. It was a difficult decision but he/we decided that he really wanted to pursue coaching as far as it would take him. Rewind 3 years previous to college when he felt God directing him to work with young men and teach them character and show them God's unending love and protection. Every year since he joined the staff at El Camino (2.5 years..) he has gone to the National Coaches Conference to try to make connections with Division One programs. We decided that he would work as hard as he can to get into the NCAA level for 5 years after which we would reevaluate if that was still his direction. Every year his connections grow, serving as a coach for various camps at schools like USC, Miami, Reno, Memphis, and UCLA. God's favor has been on him and each year more opportunity and possible jobs have been presented with his name on it...only to have the positions filled with someone else or no movement to happen and therefore no job for him.

This year we decided to buy a house. We knew (and his parents knew) that we may not get another opportunity to buy with prices as low as they are (GO BARACK! We want to make a killing, lets get this economy going!) so we went for it. Almost immediately after we bought the house it looked like we might be getting a job in San Diego. After 2 months of remodeling and living out of my car/in the back bedroom of his parents, the last thing I wanted to do was move away and rent out our house. But this is the life we both signed up for...so I was willing. Then Sarkisian got the head job at UW and Dave had a few calls in to him..and the wheels really started turning and I was getting ready to move into another spare bedroom only at my parents house in Mukilteo.

December 10th: Dave sends me a text message "Holy _______" (I know..its a horrible problem..he's working on it..) I ask him what..I am freaking out because I think that this means that Sark called him back.. We were both subbing that day at Narbonne so I went to his classroom at nutrition to see what. He told me his quarterback had gotten offered by New Mexico State..and I believed him even though he was lying.

IT WAS PETE CARROLL. DAVE GOT OFFERED A JOB AT USC!

So this week we can finally talk about it.. Dave is going to be the Strength and Conditioning Assistant this year. And we are off on this journey that began 5 years ago on a dusty little field that's 3 city blocks from our new house...

I can't wait to tell you more!

Happy Birthday

2009-01-18T20:54:00.001-08:00

There are a few things that are great about not having kids yet...
Like being able to go out to bars and enjoy ourselves without having to get back to a babysitter or grandma and grandpa.
I plan on doing as much unplanned and irresponsible stuff..okay not dangerous or reckless or illegal, but just unchoreographed and spur of the moment as I can in the next 6 months..just because I still can!

Happy Birthday Kimmie Sue!

Coming Soon

2009-01-12T08:51:00.000-08:00

The day we got back from Vacation we had a photo session. A floor mate from my freshman year of college, Erica Stubblefield, was in town and she takes the most beautiful pictures. We decided almost two months ago to have photos taken. Family photos. The three of us..Dave, Lizzy, Kuma. Not only did we have a blast, but it was incredible to see Erica (who randomly met my cousin when she lived in Northern Cali and they are best friends...small world) and to take some fabulous photos. Last time we did this we got married. 3 years ago.

Here is a sneak peak...from her website ericasergio.com

If you need pictures..she is quite simply amazing!

HOME SWEET HOME!

2009-01-04T22:34:00.000-08:00

YAY!!!

Downtown adventures

2009-01-02T18:18:00.001-08:00

We took the train into Downtown Seattle today to get out of the house and pick up some souvenirs for the family... Here is a pictorial review of the day

We had to take this photo...just too ridiculous

Pike place market..I think Dave looks like he is in the CIA or something

It was definitely 35 degrees outside the entire time we were walking around

HEY YOU GUYS!!!

One cannot go to the waterfront and not get something from Ivars
Keep CLAM!

The view all the way home was spectacular

Sunset from the Sounder transit train

The Olympic Mountains are beautiful and rugged and make me want to be in a movie about settling in the wild west...with Hugh Jackman!

Head up...looking forward

2009-01-01T17:05:00.000-08:00

My cousin Haley is really good at expressing herself. I was inspired by her blog to recap a few of the big events of the last year as we look forward to the next. Dave and I were literally on a plane last year at this time, flying to Saint Louis to see grandma and grandpa Brubaker. I am so thankful now as that is the only set of grandparents living between Dave and I. 1 year later Ralph Brubaker, Ritha's dad, went to be with the Lord this morning after 94 wonderful years of life.

After almost getting hired by USC last spring, Dave and I settled in to another year at El Camino College and decided to start saving to buy a house...in a few years. Spring marked the end of Kate playing Basketball at USC. It also marked the end of me eating meat and Dairy. I am coming up on a year of veganism in february and I have literally never felt so good in my entire life.

Summer came and Dave decided to spend the summer working for his dad at church, I taught summer school, and we went to 4 weddings. May: Jessica and Adelo, July: Steve and Giovanna, Kristen and Anthony, September: Mike and Tia. In the middle of this craziness of weddings and baby showers and football camps and cheer camps (we had someplace to be important literally every weekend of the summer) we decided we couldnt pass up the time to buy a house. And God provided the most incredible scenario for us. My dad was also spared a horrible future when a semi-minor surgery to remove some polups from diverticulitus turned into a foot of infected dead colon.

Fall came and saw an incredible football season, training a baby puppy, running around remodeling a house, living with my in-laws, and moving into our very own house. After visiting and housewarming as our first sleepover guests, my parents returned to Seattle in time for prostate cancer surgery. I am happy to report that my dad is cancer free and healing great. The same weekend my parents visited, Judah James was born 9 weeks premature, but healthy and ready to be with his parents. He moved into the NICU and we all assumed greater responsibility with Elisha so josh and Bunmi could be with their newest family member

At the beginning of December we were rocked with the near loss of Dave's father Isaac. There are so many things I can say about that 2 weeks...continuing now with rehab and hopefully coming home soon, but I want to leave it at the truely sacred experience that it was. It felt that the entire world was praying and pleading to not let satan steal a man that needs to enjoy the fruit of all his labor. Lining the hallway singing "Our God is and Awesome God" as Isaac was wheeled away to die on the operating table, knowing that God was going to do miracles because that was all we had seen, will forever be etched into my memory.

2008 was a year I had my head down, my feet dug into the muck and mud, knowing that this year was going to require a lot of patience, perserverence, and hard work. What year in any of our lives does not? But with grad school, new jobs, buying a house, and all of the other craziness of the last year, it has been all I can do most days to make it home and crumble into bed. I also know that Dave and I have grown more in this year than in any previous. On a slightly lighter note..I am grateful for almost being done with grad school, loving to eat food again and having no more braces!

As we start this new year, I feel joy for the adventure and excitement to see all that God is going to do. I think this is one of those years it talks about in the Bible when we will see "showers of blessing, in season." I am grateful for 2008, but looking so forward to living, not just marching through, 2009!

Happy New Year from Kaiser!!

First white Christmas

Rosebowl game from the couch...might be the last time we can ever watch it this way...

Really good day

2008-12-29T21:17:00.000-08:00

Jack put on Nolan's Christmas present at my sister Amy's request

This guy came over for some football with Uncle Dave and to help Celebrate Gigi's (grandma Margie) birthday

This guy (Isaac if you have never met him) got to sit up in the hospital back in Los Angeles

This guy got to go home today to live with his mom (my sister-in-law), dad and his brother.
Judah James, his big brother Elisha and Bunmi hanging on the couch.

God is so Good. Happy 40th (hahaha) Birthday mom.

lightweight

2008-12-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

Good news! Isaac is off the ventilator and he is talking! MIRACLES ARE REAL AND THEY ARE HAPPENING EVERY DAY!!

It would take forever to go through everything that God has done in the last two weeks, but if you want to read about it visit the website we created to keep everyone up to date.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/isaaccanales

Just know that life is no longer at a stand still. Today, I went to church, did some Christmas shopping, walked and played with the dog, and am headed over to the hospital to see Papa.

My last few blogs have been very heavy. I wanted to provide you with a little entertainment and a laugh. I told you that Kuma loves water. Literally loves it. As evidenced by the following video clip....

Rain

2008-12-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

I went back to work yesterday. Just to work to make sure we can pay the bills next month.
Its raining right now and the kids are on my nerves. I would rather be at the hospital, playing with Elisha or bouncing Rias on my knee.

I went in to see Isaac last night and he was awake. Sedated awake and uncomfortable (not talking or anything) but fighting his breathing tube and looking around. I know he is in a lot of pain, but I also know he can handle it and its all a part of this process. He even squeezed my hand a little bit when I asked him to (to distract him from biting his breathing tube.)

Life has really just been standing still. I haven't bought a single Christmas present, we are supposed to leave for Seattle on Saturday, but that has been postponed. Everything that is not completely necessary has stopped for now. I know that hospital and the nurses and the hallways like I know my house right now. Its very strange and surreal.

We have so much good news. So much to be thankful for.

And I have to admit I am a little sad. I love this time of year and I was really looking forward to seeing my family for a long vacation. That feels selfish to say in light of all of this, but it is just my honest truth.

Here is the latest update from Ritha, from Isaac's progress website.

www.caringbridge.org/visit/isaaccanales

"
Good morning. Isaac continues to improve and tries to wake up. Not too happy with the breathing tube that is still necessary with his heavy sedation. He seemed to be getting a little agitated while Etol was reading Psalms 7, 8, 121, 122, 123, and 124. Guess he was feeling the need to preach it. We have been playing a variety of CD's for him, including Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra Christmas classics. Dr. Do (his surgeon) came by to check Isaac over, review his lab tests, etc. He is pleased with his progress.
1) Heart rate continues to be a normal sinus rhythm - yea!
2) Blood pressure stable
3) No bleeding problems - his platelet count is 122,000 - normal range
4) Blood count is stable
5) Kidneys are producing plenty of urine. His creatinine is 3.4 - gradually going down on its own (normal is less than 1.3).
6) White blood cell count (indication of infectious tissue) still elevated, but Dr. Do expects that it will improve after this surgery.
Prayer request:
1) Surgery to go smoothly and not set back any of his improvements
2) Kidneys to continue to improve
3) After surgery - a speedy recovery- remove the breathing tube, decrease some of his medications "

4th quarter

2008-12-15T12:30:00.001-08:00

Saturday night I reported that Isaac was doing better.

We went home and tried to get some much needed sleep.

3 am the phone rings and my heart drops.

Ritha on the phone "Get here as fast as you can, Papa is bleeding out."

Dave telling me that his dad was tired and he had lived a good life.

The world spinning around me and my heart stubbornly saying "no no no this is not right"

Getting to the hospital and finding out that not only is the doctor that performed his surgery on call in the hospital that evening, the best anesthesiologist, and our incredible nurse who has been an angel this entire time.

We started praying and singing hymns outside the ICU.

Isaac is wheeled out as we sing "Our God is an Awesome God."

The surgeon is looking at us like we are crazy.

2 hours later they are closing Isaac up and we are rejoicing. He is still stable even though he has lost a lot of blood. It is still a grave situation and they again do not expect them to make it.

Today: They have never seen someone recover from what he has been through. We are truly blessed.

Praise Report:
1. Papa made it through day 1 after 2nd surgery
2. His kidney's have started working quicker than expected.
3. His blood pressure is staying normal with less medicines.
4. Heart rate lower and body temperature is normal without heating blanket.
5. When the nurse tilted him to the side some fluids were released that were building up.
6. His blood count is stable/ bleeding stopped.
7. Papa is responding to stimulation although heavily sedated.
8. Papa wanted to get his appendectomy incision hernia repaired next summer. During his surgery, his doctor saw the need to repair most of that hernia. Unexpected bonus!

Prayer Request:
1. That papa continues to fight and improve.
2. Kidneys keep getting stronger.
3. Blood pressure to be normal without medication.
4. Heart rate and temperature to be stable.
5. Blood clotting to return to normal.
6. Pray for continued normal responses.
7. Pray for his nurses and doctors as they care for him.

Thank you all SO MUCH for all of your prayers!